I did it I did it...

Ok so mine unfortunately do not look nearly that cute.... but if I thought about it I bet I could figure out how to put cutie little flowers on the toes..... I have finally managed to make the elusive baby bootie the crocheted craft I've struggled with since I learned how to crochet and I have to say they're darn cute... I'd take pics of them but they're a gift for a friend who sometimes frequents my blog :) and I'd hate to spoil the surprise... :) I'm just excited I look at these tiny little soft baby shoes and imagine tiny toes that beg to be kissed... and my dear husband cheers when for 5 min I consider not waiting to have a baby of our own...

Its beginning to smell a lot like Christmas....

I got my wish... My kitchen table is covered with piles of fresh baked cookies... There's a half eaten loaf of banana bread that's so delicious its been hard to resist slathering with butter and inhaling... I've lost count of how many sour cream cookies my husband has devoured but, he keeps inventing excuses to go into our kitchen so he can sneak them... I have a pan full of creamy silky fudge that makes my chocolate fantasies come true and at this moment I have Christmas dessert working away. There's creamy silky creme brulee chilling in the fridge and a cherry cobbler in the oven. The smell of cinnamon and Christmas is thick in the air at our house tonight and all of my Christmas baking dreams are complete.... We made our sweet sugar cookies and we got into a stocking full of sweet surprises including new froggy friends for Steve and a pound of Starbucks Christmas blend coffee for me! Now we're off to bed with visions of sugar plums... :) What a Merry Married Christmas we're having... :)

I love to bake....

I have to say baking is one of my most favorite things... O wish I could do it all the time... piles of cookies and luscious cakes... Super Candies and soft pillowy bread... Its Christmas the traditional time of year for warm ovens spilling forth sugary crumbly sweet goodies.... Oh how I wish I had more time more sugar flour butter and vanilla... I wish I had a huge house with 2 or 3 ovens and enough counter space to invite all of my friends over to bake cookies and make candies... My Aunt Sherry makes these delicious chewy butter toffees!!! and fudge... is there a more perfect way to eat chocolate? I wanna bake piles of cookies.... cinnamony cakey sour cream cookies and perfect chocolate chip cookies... chewy oatmeal raisin... and I saw Paula Deen make something called a chocolate gob the other day with a name like that it begs to be devoured... I am dying for a moist chewy molasses cookie spicy with just enough ginger... Of course I torture myself with the food network ( Thank you God that we get free cable from my husband's employer!) where every show now is holiday this or Christmas cookie that... I wanna bake it all! Every year my recipe collection doubles... Everyone has a favorite holiday cookies and treats anyone wanna share? Steve asked if we could decorate cookies together I'm very excited about that we can make our own traditions... I can almost imagine his eyes sparkling with child like enthusiasm when we put candy sprinkles on a frosted sugar cookie!

Joy in peeling potatoes…

Today was a pretty normal Saturday for me Steve left for work at 7am and kissed and hugged me goodbye like he always does and then I proceeded to sleep in deliciously late (10:30) Saturdays always feel so decadent when I can sleep in! I heard the heater come on in my sleep and did a little dance in my dreams and snuggled deeper under the covers. I woke up and started doing my wifely chores… Saturday means laundry and since I have all day to cook I always try to make something delicious and time consuming on Saturdays. We eat such quick easy dinners during the week I like Saturday to be a long well thought out slow cooked kind of dinner. Tonight I made delicious stuffed bell peppers and artichokes. (Steve’s new favorite vegetable he had never had one until he met me) Tomorrow we’re having our family over to celebrate Steve’s birthday… He asked for Pulled Pork, Potato Salad and Strawberry Cake with sprinkles… I’m also throwing in Corny corn (canned corn but he likes the way I fix it haha) and some Deviled eggs to make my husband extra happy… Its like a meal of his favorite things! I had to get started on it today of course… I peeled like 12 potatoes standing at my sink singing… It was a joyful time for me… I had spoken to my Aunt for a little while and we reminisced about last year… I was remembering my Grandma and the kind of wife she was the kind of mother she was and how I would be blessed to walk in her footsteps and in even a small way be like her… I took joy thinking of that and peeling potatoes I was thrilled to peel potatoes and serve my husband bless my husband by making him something he only likes when I cook it… while listening to his socks and t-shirts gurgle in the washing machine and singing to the God who put the desire to be a such a wife in my heart… Now its late Saturday night and while the laundry still needs to be put away the pork is in the crock pot the bowl of potato salad is in the fridge and the cake is cooling on the stove Its almost time for me to go cuddle up with that husband of mine and continue to Thank God for that handsome husband and ask again that God would continue to show me His path, show me how to be a Godly wife and Best friend to the husband I love so much… It’s such a joy to serve them both… My Father in heaven and my husband at home!

loop de loop a single crochet and a snuggly blanket...

So it seems like almost everyone I know is pregnant or having babies or thinking about having babies its quite fun... Christmas is coming too so I have lots of little creative uses for these fingers of mine... When I started thinking about the impending baby boom in my circle of friends my fingers started itching... and I've been hard at work ever since... looping silky soft yarn into lacy creations meant to cuddle a baby close and warm... I'm even trying to make delicious fuzzy warm slipper socks as a christmas gift this year I almost wish I was making them for myself they're so yummy! I'm working on slipper socks and blankets a stuffed rabbit some little christmas ornaments and I have about a million other ideas working their way around in my head its soo much fun and I'm dying to try and finally conquer the elusive baby bootie!!! hahaha

a woman's work...

So I don't mind doing the dishes or packing my husband lunch... I kind of enjoy packing his lunch but my dilemma comes when its about 11pm and my husband is going to bed and I wanna go to bed with him and enjoy pillow talk and warm snugly cuddling. I wanna fall asleep in his arms before he starts snoring... but I enjoy spending time with him so much and I feel like I never get enough time with him (we don't even have kids yet good grief!) I like to spend every second with him before he goes to bed which means its time for him to go to bed and I still have a mountain of dishes waiting to be done... I could wait and do the dishes in the morning but the idea of leaving my kitchen dirty over night bugs me and its such a tiny kitchen if I procrastinated cleaning it one day the mess would take over... I feel like I should be going to bed with my husband... so my dilemma should I sacrifice 30 min of awake time with him and clean the kitchen for 10 min of pillow talk and cuddling before we both fall asleep. Some nights I do some I don't...

Becoming Mrs. Goble

Well I'm halfway there I have a NV state issued ID that says I'm Deaira Goble... Have to go to the social security office still yet an get my employer to change the name on my paycheck and then contact the myriad of other people to change my name woo hoo haha ya know i've waited my whole life to be Mrs. Somebody... not that I didn't appreciate or love being an Elwell I do and I will always be an Elwell but there's some kind of excitement when you're a little girl dreaming about getting married and you find out that your last name will change and you'll get to be Mrs. Somebody.... It will be so nice when everyone has been contacted when there's no question when steve calls me Mrs Goble i'll really legally be Mrs. Goble... I don't even know if i'm doing this the rigth way first the DMV then social security then everyone else I hope i'm not forgetting anything important... There are companies online that will sell a kit to help you with the process but they want like $50 and who knows what they do if anything thats really useful I'm sure i don't need to pay $50...

Learning the ropes...

I'd like to think I'm doing pretty good at this whole wife thing and then i open my dryer and my failures are right there waiting to be put away...

I have made it a point to make sure all the dishes (save maybe that one before bed glass of water I had) are done before I go to bed... and stacked up neatly in the dish drainer waiting to be put away...

My husband is very quick to compliment and he thanks God for me every day when we pray... I pray I am a blessing to my husband... God is quick to point out my failures and keep me humble... piles of clean laundry and dishes...

I've got the ropes down I plan all my dinners so we shop once a week and I have 1-2 dinners waiting on standby in case we have to switch to plan b. We keep things tidy and uncluttered and I wouldn't be embarassed if friends stopped by unannounced...

Then I open the dryer... and see the laundry I did a week ago waiting to be put away... or I go to clean up the kitchen after dinner and see the dishes I did yesterday are still piled up so high one more fork wuld topple the pile...

I've delegated some chores to Steve... like putting away the dishes and he's good about it... he also vacuums and cleans the bathroom he helps tidy up and he sprays the bed down with febreeze when he makes it so its fresh and clean every time we climb in. I even taught him how to work the washer and dryer tonight and he's followed my "start dinner" instructions to the letter... I am blessed by my husband....

I am very good at the cleaning part of housework but not so good at the putting away part... I've always struggled with putting things away... except groceries i like putting groceries away but laundry and dishes can't we just pull em out of the dryer??? I guess we can until my husband complains he has no socks...

Time to go put away 2 weeks worth of laundry... blech...

a Married Bubble

We have happily spent the last 3 weeks living in a little married bubble... I've temporarily abandoned Steve's sugary nickname and just call him "husband" and he's taken to calling me Mrs. Lady... I think I'll keep that nickname...I kind of feel like the last 3 weeks has flown by in a blur of marrital bliss. We forgot so many things family birthdays and anniversaries other promises and responsibilities thankfully nothing MAJOR... I went out with my mom and was shocked to see how much construction had progressed somewhere... Its like we came home on our wedding night and holed up in our little apartment and we poke our head out every so often to go to church or the grocery store but beyond that the last 3 weeks have felt safe and sound snuggled up at home with my husband (all except for those pesky 8 hours a day at work). We've settled in cleaned up unpacked and we're learning the ropes... Deaira does dishes Steve puts them away. Steve takes out trash and Deaira does laundry. We spend quiet nights at home watching tv and talking thoroughly enjoying our little married bubble. I don't know another way to describe it... I like it.... Its fun to cook dinner every night and sit down listen to my husband Thank God for the food for me and for the blessings He's given us. Its fun to pack Steve lunch and imagine him smiling wide when he finds the special treat i tucked inside. Its not at all like i imagined and yet its the best thing i've ever experienced.... Our little married bubble...

I had hairy legs when I got married...

I didn't have perfect skin...
I didn't have a perfect body...
I didn't have a perfect dress...
I didn't have perfect cake...
I didn't have perfect hair...
I don't have perfect memories....
I didn't plan on being high on Vicodin when I got married...
I didn't have my beautiful outdoor ceremony...I got snow...
I didn't have trees alight with fire in every picture...
I certainly didn't plan on spending the night before my wedding in ER...
I forgot to buy pie for dessert...
I forgot to ask someone to watch the punch bowl or even make punch (I love you Kelly)
I didn't have gluten free cupcakes for my dear friends... ( I had gluten free cupcake liners I was ashamed to serve)
I forgot to make sure the church was unlocked or even to make sure someone would be at church in time for my flowers and cake to be delivered...
I forgot about 50 pictures I wanted taken...
I forgot my cousin buddy is a devious practical joker who might ferret my siblings away to pull nasty pranks on our honeymoon suite...( aka our bedroom) kool-aid in the shower honestly...
I barely had time the morning of my wedding to take a shower much less anything else did I even brush my teeth??...
I didn't get to hug so many dear friends at my wedding I know they were there but I missed seeing them hugging them on that day ( this means you Danae)
I didn't get to tell one of my bridesmaids goodbye and thank her for being my lifelong friend (I love you Deana)
I feel like there are still a million people to thank for making my wedding what it was I'm sure it was beautiful I don't remember but I see thru pictures... I'm so glad my photographers were there...
I didn't get to hug my "least" favorite Aunt goodbye and tell her how Thankful I was that she was there what a joy it was to see her and how much praying with her before the ceremony meant to me...
Can a wedding be perfect? Can it be everything you'd hoped dreamed and planned... I guess not but I know God is perfect He smiled down on our wedding and was pleased I know this because God saw fit to bring Steven Louis Goble into my life and God saw fit to make me his wife... and who am I to argue with the most perfect God... God orchestrated every moment of the day every gift of love every hand that helped was his blessing so why should I care that my legs were hairy... I was still a beautiful bride and ready willing and no longer waiting to be Steve's wife....

holy moly matrimony

What a crazy crazy time and week ahead of me. Can I just say even tho I only have to work 1 more day this week before I'm off for like a whole week that I really really wish I didn't have to! Still so much to do and work just seems to consume my day and when I get off I'm like ugh my brain needs to recover hahaha I come home and the last thing I wanna do is look over my last minute lists or figure out how I'm gonna take care of that or write new lists or email so and so and yet I have no other choice cuz it must be done... there are people I'm counting on who've graciously offered to help at my request who are waiting so patiently for me to wake up and give them the info they need! I can't even sleep right haha I feel guilty for sleeping. Haha then I feel guilty for being awake and not doing what I need to do....

Steve's parents and sister are on the road they left Michigan 6am EST Monday and who knows where they are now? We hope to hear from them soon! I'm so excited to see them. Deana my bridesmaid is flying into town tomorrow and I totally can't wait to see her and hug her! Steve's brother and best friend fly in weds and my Aunt and Cousins will probably be here around that time too.

Its all coming together tiny piece by piece haha Steve and I have both said tho that sometimes it feels like we haven't done anything haha we have been so busy working to get everything taken care of we haven't been able to really stop and say WOW we paid off the cake and flowers and the rental company and we have a photographer and my dress fits hahaha those things have been plaguing me for months and the load is lifted and yet I still feel the pressure of the deadline haha like these tiny last minute details can weigh as heavily as a florist bill or a too small wedding dress!

I just have to reiterate How great is Our God! His provision for our wedding for our home for our new life together is tremendous... haha My apt matches haha I have bits and pieces of furniture lovingly gifted from friends and church family and it matches like I'd planned it haha Our apt still needs help and work but Steve has been amazing unpacking and sorting he even added little homey touches its so romantic I walk in and I'm like this is our home this is where we'll live and I'll be a wife. AAAH only 5 more days to go!!!

I'm worried about the weather haha everyone has a different opinion... My Dad trusts Accuweather.com Steve is looking at the local news stations my mom is watching the national weather service website and it seems like not one of them agree on what the weather will be like next Saturday... I'm watching the one that is the most optimistic 73 degrees and no wind with plenty of sun and a 0% chance of rain. Steven my darling pessim... I mean realist is watching the one that says 62 with a 20% chance of rain and encouraging me to set up plan b. YUCK!
God is good God is good I keep reminding myself God is good and God is in control on nights when I get off work and just wanna take a nap and when I wake up in the morning and have an hour before I have to be to work and somehow my paycheck for Friday will pay for things on Thursday God is good!

Dearest Deana...

Have you ever had a friend a friend you knew you'd always have... a Forever friend... I've always had a friend... She visited me in the hospital when I was born. We ran around church together in our tights, we screamed for our mommies together in the nursery. When we were young we played silly games with make up and picked flowers at church. We spent countless nights together giggling and telling secrets as we grew up we shared stories about boys we talked about the men we might marry. We played games of cribbage together at campout and played tic tack toe when we should've been sleeping. We swam together biked together... When those Best friends heart necklaces that came in 2 pieces were popular I made sure we had a pair. I think Deana and I did everything girls growing up could do and then we became teenagers and did more and adults and did more... We would get together once a week or once a month we'd trade plates at IHOP and clean the church singing Psalty songs. We shopped together we sang together we always seemed to have each others interest in common... I don't know what kind of impact I've had on Deana's life but I can tell you the impact she's had on mine... Deana has been like a sister... my Sunday sister... When it was time to choose bridesmaids Deana was always on the list time and knowing she was busy probably kept me back a little bit but I'm so glad God worked it out the way He did. Deana was one of the first people to book a plane ticket to come to my wedding. I could go on and on telling you about my wonderful friend. God had a special reason for placing her in my life. She continues to be special even when she's far away and even when we don't talk when I knew Deana would be here with me I immediately felt better and immediately was reminded of how dear and special she is to me. There's poetry to Deana being in my wedding without Deana I may not have ever thought God had a special young man for me to marry. I wouldn't have had someone to share the burden of being single I wouldn't have had someone who understood the pure delicious joy it is when God writes your love story. She chose a beautiful dress its so Deana and I love it... I'm so excited to see her and even more excited she gets to share this special time in my life with me... Our prayers we're answered dear Deana and God has delivered us both wonderful Godly husbands! I can't wait to see you and hug you dear friend!!!

We're Moving... another guest post by Steve

So Sunday Deaira and I went and got the keys to our apartment which has been something we have been greatly anticipating. We love our little apartment. God has been so good to us! It’s the perfect size, the perfect location and the perfect price! The kitchen doesn’t thrill Deaira as much as she had hoped but recognizing it as the gift from God that it is, she has learned to like it. Now poor (or lucky depending on your point of view) Deaira hasn’t been back to the apartment since that day. Kyle and I have been moving in all that we could since Monday and working hard to get as much done as possible. We have managed to empty out about 1/3 of the bed room and completely empty out the storage unit. Just so you get a feel for the amount we are talking about. It took 2 full size trucks and Dana’s Van to get all the stuff to the storage and just me and Kyle and my little Caravan to unload it. It’s been good time to spend with Kyle. We had IHOP one day which was great! We went to the mall to pick up my ring Monday after 3 loads to the apartment, it was a nice breather. We ran into Elgin which is always an adventure. We set up the book shelf and the dressers in the bed room which makes it look 20% like a real bed room now LOL. At one point during the day Tuesday Kyle asked to see the back patio. We were standing around talking about a place to put a barbeque when I noticed two huge peaches lying on the ground. I stared for a second wondering if someone had thrown them at the apartment! Looking up I was both delighted and a little shocked to see 3 more hanging there from the tree! Kyle and I have met 3 of my new neighbors. They are all women and all very kind. At the end of the day after the last load was done Kyle and I sat down on the porch to take a breather and he pointed out how lucky we are to be within walking distance to the rib cook off , the fireworks, the farmers market and the Christmas parade! He sounded a little jealous! I told him he could crash on our couch any time and walk to any event he wants! So there is still plenty to move and I am exhausted today. It’s been good though and I’m excited and ready to get back to it! I am perhaps a little naive but I just can’t wait for this to be our first home. To know when I go there that my wife will be there waiting for me! I just need to say more than anything God has always been so good to us. We have had our moments of “How are we going to pull this off”?!?!?! God has given us everything we need in his perfect time, my hope is that we can all recognize those moments and gifts and give praise!

But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the furnace, will He not much more clothe you? You of little faith!--Matthew 6:30

The great dress debac.... DREAM COME TRUE!!!

Its done its finished my wedding dress officially fits!!!!!!! I can't tell you how beautiful it makes me feel... It is beautiful and regal and floaty and soft... I can't wait to see everything together dress and flowers and veil... Can't wait til Steve sees me hahaha ya know the hardest thing about this whole wedding dress situation has been not telling Steve like not telling him about it and fighting the urge to show him He's my best friend he's the person I tell everything to ask about everything and not being able to do that has been torture!!! hahaha This would not have been remotely possible without my dear friend! She put in all the labor we got to visit and catch up it was huge and the work she did is wonderful i'm so tickled about certain aspects of the dress I can't even begin to say... in the time it took us to fix my dress it changed from a huge pain a disaster and debacle into a dream! A beautiful vision of floaty chiffon that will carry me down the aisle to my Prince. I had church ladies praying about it with me who were thrilled to hear it was fixed a special one who offered to pay to have it fixed. I am so loved so loved and so blessed and amazed at the love in the church... I hope and pray that my wedding would be a blessing to all of these women to every one who has helped and will help make my wedding so wonderful I pray God would heap his bountiful blessings on them! I remember coming home from Texas and waiting and being excited to see how God would reward me and bless me for that time... maybe I lost faith cuz after 5 months of looking for a job and struggling wondering how we were gonna pay for a wedding I thought maybe God had lessons yet for me to learn ( and he did and does) and that there would be no blessings just yet... He's piling them on in heaps and mounds now and all I can do is fall on my knees in Praise to my wonderful Father in Heaven who is good always who gives always who loves always and whose timing is perfect.

Praise the Lord give thanks to the Lord for He is good

His steadfast love endures forever and He is good

Who shall tell of the mighty deeds of the Lord

And show forth all His praise Alleluia

And Blessed be the Lord, the God of Israel

From everlasting to everlasting

And let all God's people say Amen Amen Amen

Let all the people say Amen and Praise the Lord!

Home Sweet Home... :)

We think we've found it.... God is so good!!! Its a cute little one bedroom apartment in Sparks. We'd have a Christian Landlord and Christian neighbors and its about $200 less than we had planned to spend on rent. Its cute clean and well maintained with a grass area and a little back yard. Its small and cute and just seems like a good little place for us to start our married life... Nothing is final yet but we're definitely interested and we told the guy as much. He has some minor fixing up cleaning and what not to do on the place before its official but its pretty awesome!!! God provides too... the money it will cost us to move into this place is like exactly what we have saved up to get into a place hahaha God always provides for us like that. So today we're rejoicing hopeful very excited and I'm dreaming of the little butcher block island I'm going to put in the kitchen and wondering where we should hang our wedding pictures. I can't wait to clean and cook in and keep our little home. Thanks soo much to Kim for telling us about it!!!! Whee i'm so excited I wish it was ours already so i could start packing and unpacking and making it home.... :) I'm very ready for us to settle in and start enjoying married life!! :)

Through His eyes....

***A Special guest blog by Steve***
I know by now you have all heard Deaira’s side of things so I thought it was about time to invade her blog with mine. It’s hard if not impossible to cram the last 2 and ½ years into one blog entry so I’ll just try my best to be relevant. I was sitting around one day surfing MySpace when I came across Deaira's profile. Impressed by her love of Lord of the Rings and her obvious love of the Lord I sent her a message asking if we could be MySpace friends. That quickly became long late night phone calls about Lost and cake. I remember our first date very well! I got up early since it was my day off and went to get a haircut, got the car washed bought new boots and went to Ross and bought a new Shirt. Why did I do all these things? At this point I really wanted to make a good first impression. I had learned so much about her heart. The nervous silence of dinner was broken by our musings over how good the food was and I knew I had found someone special. Sorry to jump ahead but it wasn’t long before we were spending all our time together. Laughing, talking, and eating. It wasn’t long before she told me in tears that she wasn’t looking for a boy friend; she was looking for a husband and a best friend and someone who loved Jesus as much as she did. I was relieved to hear her say that. I felt the same way. I wanted to take our relationship seriously and I do love the Lord. We spent every day after that with that in mind. I know my commitment to her grew strong and deeper until one day we were just watching TV and we both looked at each other and had some kind of mutual “I really want to marry you” moment. It was spontaneous and probably a little silly but we knew. I remember calling my mom and telling her almost 2 years ago that I wanted to ask Deaira to marry me. I called my Grandma Goble that day too! Our trip to Michigan was great. She fit into my family without missing a beat which is kind of scary! She loves my mom and dad she loves my brother Andy and as for my sister they are like long lost sisters that were meant to be together. After that trip we started to plan to think. We thought we were ready then! We really were convinced of it, that we could get married that year and we knew everything. Fast forward to last August when Deaira went to Texas. For me, it was the worst experience of my life. I was miserable and lonely and I felt abandoned. After a while though, I started to realize something. In missing her I started to really appreciate all the little things she used to do. Even some of the things that used to make me crazy started to click into focus. I stopped feeling like victim and started to really let myself lean on the Lord. By Thanksgiving time I was a different man. We had been apart for months and I had struggled and by this time I was even more certain that I loved Deaira and would love her for all my days. That I wanted nothing more than to be her one and only and for us to side by side heart to heart honor love and obey the Lord Our God. The feeling of steadfastness and trust and commitment that I have even now is easily ten-fold what it was before she went to be with her grandma. I won’t say it’s easy to remember that when we fight or hurt each other, but the appreciation that grew out of that time has made it easier to remember how much I appreciate and love her. We are much stronger for it. Now fast forward to January and Dea and I started to go nuts trying to plan and pay for our wedding.. (Did I skip the proposal)? For me being the guy, the best part was picking out and taste testing cake! The one we picked out is 2/3 mine and 1/3 Deaira's. LOL. She fell instantly in love with this pumpkin cake. It’s been a growing experience all on its own this planning a wedding. When we disagree and I think I'm right and we sit down and have a cup of coffee and talk it out and come to an agreement it’s a great metaphor for what I hope is the way we deal with all our problems. Coming to an understanding, finding common ground. Not spending $400.00 on folding chairs! LOL. I know this has been a little scatter brained and all over the map I hope someone got something out of it.

Hunny-bun... Sugar-plum... Pumpkin Pie...

Without divulging our secret identities and wanting to remember for posterity this time in our relationship where we're so head over heels in love and silly. I just wanna talk about a silly thing we do that makes us happy would probably make most people gag if they knew the truth haha but Steve and I have these ridiculous pet names for eachother but we love them we hold onto them they're in some ways like an alter ego for us... complete with baby talk and teasing... its not uncommon for me to yell his pet name across the room when i need his attention. I'm ashamed to admit it but we even have a silly song i made up with his pet name... oh yes... its that silly that disgusting and all the more vital to us because its a reminder of our silly laughing happy times when we've fought we'll tentatively ask "Am i still your **insert sickening pet name here**?" and we'll respond "Of course you never stop being a **insert sickening pet name here**..." Our kids and grandkids will probably tease us mercilessly for it someday ashamed and embarrassed by it ( at least i hope so) but I hope they'll see they'll learn they'll always know that our special names for eachother are the good parts of our relationship the special happy cuddly times the giggling laughing silliness that is so important to us... I don't know how we stumbled upon them one day I just started calling Steve his name thinking it was the cutest most silly thing and it stuck it stuck so much i was forbidden from uttering it while we were in michigan lest his family hear it and tease him... And my name came in turn his revenge against the silly moniker i had for him and tho at first we rebelled and didn't understand we've come to embrace and cherish these nicknames making up silly songs making up silly things like the "**insert sickening pet name here** handbook and care manual" and did you know that **insert sickening pet name here**'s run on pepsi and starbucks? oh yes we are sad silly little people with disgusting sugary pet names for eachother that mean so much to us... but he is my **insert sickening pet name here** I love him so he is my bestest friend in the wide wide world and I'm gonna marry him and be his wife cuz I'll love my **insert sickening pet name here** for my whole life.....

To be his Wife...

To be his wife.. Who would have thought who could have thought. Of course I always imagined being the wife of a wonderful man someday. Most young girls dream of loving husbands and babies. I'm no exception. To be his wife however is so much more than playing house and day dreaming ever could have prepared me for. To be blindsided by this unique human being who is so seperate from me and yet so close. I'm sure I've said before I feel like I've always known him that my life our lives surely never existed apart from eachother he seems to fit so well.

To be his wife seems the highest calling God has given me to love honor obey and cherish this man every day the way God loves and cherishes me. A pretty high calling the very highest perhaps God could call me to and yet I find myself joyfully faithfully prayerfully and with tremendous joy and anticipation diving into it. Loving Steven being his wife being his parter helper lover friend and wife seems like the exact thing I want to be. Steve feels like home...

We had a rough day spent pouring over our meager budget compared to our future hopes and past failures and then driving all over town to find a place to live. Our first "home" What a rough raked over the coals day it felt like to me. I felt stripped and anything but loving but at the heart of all of the thoughts whirling in my brain and the list of chores and resposibilities choices and challenges ahead of us at the heart at the center of it was the simple fact of being his wife clinging to him loving him there is nothing I would rather do no one I would rather be than faithful to God loving and cleaving to this husband he's providing for me. Steve is the gift God has given me on days when I feel raw and rough he has given me this man who's shoulder God molded to fit my head. I can hug him or rest my head on his shoulder and we both feel recharged rejuvenated and ready to face the next task.

Steve and I have learned so so much in the last year its impossible to look back without thinking and seeing the leaps and bounds God has took us thru to prepare us for Oct 11, 2008. We thought we knew so much we thought we were so ready a year ago... obviously we weren't or we would have married a year ago. God has been soooo faithful to us and his provision so perfect in so many ways his leadership and guidance in our relationship has been essential will be essential. It is our prayer that when we're old and gray bouncing great grand babies on our bionic knees or even at our funerals that the best thing that could be said about our lives our marriage is "They trusted the Lord" We strive for that we remind eachother of that when we owe $300 to our florist and our car breaks down and costs $300 to fix. And putting the flowers off til next pay day means putting off something else til the pay day after that but God faithfully provides and we trust him and know he is good marriage is good and we count down...only a month left...

How could you resist? They're already flower girls!

Look at those faces... so young so sweet. So completely totally ready and excited to look cute scatter leaves and wear princess dresses! This is Niah and Olivia Briggs, my flower girls. I needed a big pretty girl who could handle the responsibility of sprinkling leaves for me to walk on and I needed an adorable fairy-girl to carry a special kissing ball. Where was I going to find such special young ladies as these... right in my own church... Niah and Olivia are church family they are my friend Kelly's daughters I grew up with their Daddy, and their uncle is part of the reason why i'm a star wars nerd. Their Mimi was my sunday school teacher and it just seems fitting to include part of my church family in my wedding party. I know they don't realize what having church family in my wedding party means to me they're just excited to wear a pretty dress and scatter flowers and leaves but its fitting for me. My church family has always been a HUGE important part of my life. Niah has been hard at work crafting me wedding cakes out of play do and Olivia was soo cute dancing around in her gold sparkly shoes. Shoes are never as cute as when they're on the feet of an excited little girl dancing around.
I remember dreaming and planning from a young age all about my wedding to come how i imagined flowers and frilly dresses sunshine and cake and of course a handsome prince. My dreams are so close to becoming a reality its time to bring those dreams to life in sweet little girls who will learn that the best Princes are the ones God introduces you to and that beautiful weddings and marriages are his special gift to show he loves us. Besides if I hadn't asked them I wouldn't have anyone to wear these perfect leaf filled dresses :)

Remembering a special, stressful time....

It was a year ago these past few days that Steve and I experienced a little upheavel a lot of joy a lot of sorrow and a lot of faith. It was a year ago today that I hopped on a plane to fly to Texas to take care of my grandma. It was a year ago yesterday that we talked to my Dad and Steve asked his blessing to marry me and it was a year ago saturday that Steve gave me a beautiful sparkling ring full of all of the hope promise and joy we're experiencing today weeks away from our wedding.

We have never had a fight so grandiose so heart wrenching so long as when i first told Steve I had been asked to go to Texas. I dunno if it was really a fight so much as a shock. We had to trust the Lord and walk by faith clinging crying heart wrenching faith! I knew that God wanted me to go I knew I had to go and serve my family that way. When I got the call from my aunt I knew I needed to go I knew it was God's plan for me and for us. I didn't know how to tell Steve I prayed for a week trying to figure it out I talked to my Dad and trusted friends. My Dad told me that time is to love what air is to fire or some kind of metaphor like that... Where love left to sit like a fire burns hotter brighter and stronger. It was an appropriate example of exactly what would happen. We spent 4 months apart a small amount of time shorter than we had expected but we didn't know when i got on that plane if it would be a month or a year or if we'd get married and fly back to Texas. God worked in that time taught us some lessons about eahother taught us to communicate taught us what it mean to love eachother in a comitted forgiving and unconditional way. He also taught us to grasp cling and rely only on Him. I think we're still learning lessons from this experience and I just wanted to mention it... A whole year with a sparkly ring on my finger. A whole year as Steve's fiance and a whole year of beign prepared stretched and molded into the wife God would have me be to Steve.

I love you Pookie-pie

I used to say this into the darkness every night for countless years and across the room in a little girl voice came the response " I love you too Dedee-plum" Oh how the years have changed that adorable baby that was MY baby. The cute as pie toddler that spoke in baby babble only I could understand. The precocious child with a jutted out hip rocking out to the Spice Girls and finally a moody teenager who is the most beautiful young woman I've ever seen... That's my baby sister... Is there anyone else you can ask to be your maid of honor when you have a sister? I can't imagine how? She's 16 now much younger than my other 2 bridesmaids but she is my sister.
I was sooo excited when I found out my mom was gonna have a baby and I knew I hoped and probably insisted that it be a baby sister. I told my parents if it was a boy I'd dress it in girl clothes. I wanted a sister I needed a little sister I could do big sister things with like curl hair and paint toes get ears pierced and dress in frilly frilly dresses and of course slumber parties.... I had always wanted a big sister to do those things for me sadly being the oldest I didn't have the luxury but I was determined that I would be the kind of big sister to my little sister that I had always wanted! Well life is what happens when you're busy making other plans.... My little sister not so much into the curling of hair and playing with makeup when she was younger I'd fight to get a curling iron in her hair it wouldn't hold a curl anyways haha. She was always into clothes tho which was too fun until she grew out of the sweet little girl clothes I'd buy her. Now everything I like she hates hahaha She is still my sister tho my sweet beautiful sister and my baby... Every year on her birthday since her first one I tear up and have a little cry something along the lines of "My baby's not a baby anymore" She was my baby she still is sometimes when she'll let me hug her close and run my fingers thru her hair... Charel taught me more about being a mommy and taking care of kids then i ever learned babysitting even 16 years later. Could there be any other choice for a maid of honor than a sweet little girl you helped raised and whose diapers you changed whose ears you pierced. I've had to let go somewhat over the years and not be so parental with her I'm still learning who she is and learning to love her for who she is and not who I want her to be. Steve helps with that Steve loves her and she loves him in ways I don't understand. They love to pick on eachother and play video games together.

Why all the nostalgic memories and such well I guess you could say its my way of reminding her how important she is to me how thankful I am for a little sister who is my opposite how I appreciate all the help she's been while I've planned our wedding and how grateful I am we finally agreed on her dress and it came in today... We had to go see it and try it on its so exciting....

Dear sweet sissy little charkle I hope you always know how very loved you are by me and by Steve how proud I am of the young lady you are and that I pray for the Woman you'll become. I pray that you would learn from my mistakes and also trust God as I've tried to do. You get to be my maid of honor my first choice my only choice and Steve and I will always love you and be here for you if you need us... just like we know we can count on you for free babysitting when the time comes... :) I love you Pookie-pie!!!

Be our Guest...There'll be cake...

Our wedding invitations are now zooming their way around the country and being hand delivered to special friends. I'm really happy with them. We made them from a DIY kit. I knew I wanted something with leaves to convey my leaf obsession in everything from cake to color and flowers but every invitation I saw in a catalog wasn't quite what I wanted or was way too much money to justify spending for a piece of paper people were most likely going to toss in a pile and throw away at some point. So I found these very sweet sage green cards with vellum very basic then I found these vividly colored fall leaf stickers( all on clearance hello God provides!!! ) my creative juices started flowing and ta da you have my invitation each one is unique and believe me when I tell you each one was lovingly carefully and thoughtfully put together! Steve and I started looking at how to word them when I was still in Texas haha we looked up we combined our creative poetic brains and we scoured the internet for examples we finally came down to the Final 5... we mixed we twisted we became wizards of wordplay and I think we did a great job! I personally fed my printer each sheet of vellum and pulled out the mangled bent masses as well. My mom, my sister and I placed each sticker on each card and My sister and her friend Franco tied the vellum to every card and stuffed them in envelopes. I baked them a cake to say thank you! And our invitations are out its official and now we wait and eagerly check email every chance we get to see if anyone has RSVP'd yet. Please RSVP it would make Steve so happy :)

I'm so blessed by my friends!!!

I see these ladies every week some I've seen every week of my life... They nurture me they support me their generosity surprises and astounds me. I am so blessed by the ladies at my church specifically the girls my own age but every woman there is a blessing a wise grandmother to a young newly wed like me who wants to talk about cute shoes. These ladies give me so much. Some of them even are doing so much just to help make my wedding special I'm blessed by their love by their generosity by their creativity and by their friendship... This is my Thank you and maybe a behind the scenes look at some of the inner workings of my wedding.

Mrs. Kelly Briggs- Kelly has been so sweet any question I ask any advice she gives her heart is so sweet and so full I have spoke to her and immediately felt a huge relief like it wasn't as big a deal as I thought she also so graciously let me pour over her beautiful scrapbooks when I was in my "have to look at every wedding related thing" phase. When all is said and done I know Kelly will lead me and answer any question I have in making my own beautiful scrapbook. She is also letting me make her beautiful daughters my flower girls! I'm thrilled I can bless her family by making some joyful smiling girls princesses for a day.

Mrs. Fawn Parsons- Fawn is going to be my photographer she takes beautiful pictures we feel so blessed to know her she has a heart of gold and is so sweet and enthusiastic. Every photograph is a new angle or perspective I know she will help capture all the sweet moments of our big day and we'll cherish her gift for the rest of our lives. She took the pictures of Danae and Kelly I think she takes the picture at just the right moment to capture the persons true beauty!

Mrs Lindy Briggs- has been such a huge help as we're planning to do a slide show with cutsie pics of us as kids as well as pics of just our relationship. Lindy is also a dear friend she's my brother's best friends wife... If it wasn't for Kyle and Daniel (her husband) I wouldn't be as nerdy as I am or as open to all the nerdy geekiness that is my Steve. We have so much fun with her and Dan seeing movies and eating ice cream. We miss hanging out with them but we're sooo excited about what God is doing in their lives. I can't wait to see you fat and pregnant at the wedding Lindy dear!
Mrs. Kim Cordero- Kim is a great friend and was so sweet to me when I was looking for a job she let me babysit for her every week and that allowed me to knock out some early wedding plans. I also have had tremendous fun with her shopping and watching her kids grow. Her kids are so cute it makes it hard not to want 10 of em!

Mrs. Danae Lear- Dearest Danae is so sweet to offer to help me decorate she's also had tons of creative ideas to help save money and has just been someone fun to talk to. She can relate to my feelings of frustration not seeing Steve as much as I'd like. We hope to spend more time with her and her husband in the future going on double dates and inviting them over to our place for dinner. (I'll totally make turkey if you want Danae)

Mrs Deana Jooste- This list would not be complete without my Deana... Even tho I don't see her every Sunday anymore she is no less important than any of these other women. Deana was such a huge encouragement to me she recommended books like "I kissed dating goodbye" and introduced me to a new way of looking at relationships and marriage her encouragement pointed me to the true author of my love story Our Heavenly Father. It is only fitting I asked her to be my bridesmaid. Deana was one of the first people from out of town to plan a trip just for my wedding she loves me and I love her. We have been friends since the day I was born. I'm so glad she'll be there on my special day! Bless her heart she told me she wouldn't miss it for the world.

If you haven't noticed already there's a running theme here... Every one of these Women is already married I'm the last one out of every girl I grew up with at church I'm the last one to get married. I like to think God did it that way on purpose so they could all be the sweet support they've been so they could all bless me in the many ways that they have and so they can make my wedding exactly the way I want it to be... Once again I am so amazingly blessed by these women their friendship and their love and knowing I have them to lean on and knowing we have each other to go to come what may is all part of the way God made the church a family. To my special sweet sisters you have blessed me and loved me in ways I cannot repay and I am so thankful for you!

Speechless I thy mercy trust...

God be merciful to me on Thy grace, I rest my plea

Plenteous in compassion Thou Blot out my transgressions now

Wash me, make me pure within Cleanse, oh, cleanse me from my sin

My transgressions I confess Grief and guilt my soul oppress

I have sinned against Thy grace And provoked Thee to Thy face

I confess Thy judgment just Speechless, I, Thy mercy trust

I am evil born in sin Thou desirest truth within Thou alone my Savior art

Teach Thy wisdom to my heart Make me pure, Thy grace bestow

Wash me whiter than the snow

Gracious God, my heart renew Make my spirit right and true

Thy salvation's joy impart Steadfast make my willing heart

Steadfast make my willing heart Broken, humbled to the dust

By Thy wrath and judgment just Let my contrite heart rejoice

And in gladness hear Thy voice From my sins, oh, hide Thy face

Blot them out in boundless grace...

I have had this song on my heart all day since I sang it in church this morning I just feel oppressed today and stressed and like things just aren't coming together or lining up Steve and I were very short tempered with eachother today We just couldn't seem to find our common ground or our happy balance we usually strike and then i had to work and in 5 min time I had to ask my oldest dearest friend an important question on the phone. I sat down at my desk ready to clock in taking long deep breaths and just praying for some peace some stillness some mental quietness and rest from the Lord... He was faithful! Now tonight about to go to bed and the rush of things is over taking my brain its been such a busy couple of weeks and about to get busier as the wedding draws nearer. Steve and I have to get our invitations out in the next 2 weeks. We have to pay off the Cake and flowers by Sept 10. We somehow have to find time to look for an apt have i mentioned we never really see eachother haha My best friend isnt going to be able to make it down for the wedding i'm sad about this seeing her and hugging her kids was something i was really looking forward too but her family is struggling and I want what is best for them truth be known i feel selfish for being sad she can't come the money they'd spend is much better spent on them right now. Steve is so worried about our new car which seems to be having a problem with the trasmission that he gets nervous driving it and so doesn't want to push it. Can i just say for the record I'm sooo tired of the health of our car controlling our lives! I feel like i've hurt or made my oldest dearest friend feel bad for asking her to be my bridesmaid at the last minute like she's a lesser friend when in truth she is the most precious friend God has given me besides Steve. We're really starting to worry if Steve's family will make it out for the wedding... We have so many wedding details and i don't have the answer as to how they'll be resolved I think I understand why people elope but then again if you're only gonna get married once and I am you wouldn't know about this stress til you were in the thick of it...I feel like I never get to sleep anymore haha getting a job seemed to spiral alot of our lives out of control and Steve and I are trying so hard to hang on and know God is faithful and I'm clinging trying to cling and Cast all my cares on Him. Its so easy to feel attacked and 2nd guess I keep reminding myself this is time God has given us to prepare for marriage to teach us how to be married and these lessons this stress will all be benefit to serve us and Him in the future.

Speechless I thy mercy trust....I cast all my cares upon you... I stand firm and know you work everything together for the good!!!

Praise God!

Tara's dress

We got Tara's dress last weekend. I'm so excited I feel like we stole it for $105. Plus its just a simple classy dress and in this dark brown color I know she can wear it again and it won't shrivel up in her closet.... Have I mentioned all of my girls are wearing different colors and styles... No two leaves are alike... Tara is wearing this Truffle color cuz i couldn't bear to put her in the burnt orange I had in mind originally not when my beautiful sis-in-law to be is a natural red head... Have I mentioned I love Tara... We clicked the moment we met. She will never replace Charel but its different Tara and I click we confide in eachother we're sisters and I love her so much! We email back and forth we talk about food... Tara is in some ways the sister to me that Charel isn't. Charel isn't lacking in anyway. Charel is my perfect sister that i have very little in common with but Tara is a sister i have everything in common with and I love them both so much! I'm thrilled I get to have both of them with me beside me on my special day. I'm so excited she'll be here for our wedding so excited to see her and smother my nephew with kisses... ok i'll admit the fact she's making me an Auntie on my wedding day gives her serious brownie points too! look at that kid how could you not love him!

Have I mentioned I cook?

One of my greatest joys in life is seeing a counter top covered with this... assorted bags, bottles, cans and boxes and don't forget the requisite pound of butter. Seeing this conglomeration means i have plans i'm up to something the wheels in my head are turning are plotting are working together to build the perfect strategy this is my mental mise en place... I carefully sort thru the pile pulling out when i need the dinner before me taking shape... Dessert first so it can bake and get the oven nice and hot for the main event and then while its baking i can dice and chop mince and grind everything i need to make my perfect birthday dinner...
This year I want turkey i want succulent moist flavorful juicy turkey... I want it dripping with gravy smeared with cranberry sauce and sprinkled with just enough salt that every bite zings around my mouth like a pin ball machine.... Turkey is a process some people would argue my grandmother for example who would open it up rinse it off toss it in the oven and cook it til it was done... Basque grandma's don't know much about American traditions but I sure loved my Basque grandma! My turkey is a 2 day process at least once its thawed it must spend at least 12 hours sitting in a briny bath of ice apple juice vegetable stock and above all SALT! This little soak seasons it inside and out makes every bite taste more like turkey and in some ways is like a marinade sometimes I can take a bite and just sense a little whisper of apple juice on my tongue... I fill my roasting pan with chunks of carrot quartered onions quartered apples and stalks of celery. I stuff the inside of that ugly turkeyling with a stick of cinnamon more onion more rosemary apples and and orange. Did i mention I give the whole pan a glass of wine to relax with while it makes its journey from briny deep to my dinner plate. I even give it a massage with butter finely minced shallot, garlic, parsley and thyme... ensuring there's a good layer of butter between the skin and the meat so all that flavorful goodness trickles down flavoring and moisturizing my perfect meal. My turkey is then drizzled with olive oil and salted to make a crisp tight crunchy skin everyone secretly covets.
Sometimes... I even surprise myself... I pulled this from the oven and it was like the turkey knew I was documenting its journey from raw dead bird and a pound of carrots to mouth watering treat that looks good enough for a food magazine... we also had some mashed potatoes (of which i'm pretty convinced I make the best) and Steve's favorite green bean casserole... there will be no cake for this birthday girl I want pie pumpkin warm spicy creamy hearty pumpkin pie... there's something so satisfying to me about pumpkin pie... but the turkey is my symphony of white and dark meat roasted to golden perfection. It is moist and tender every last bite so mouth watering it begs to be over eaten! haha This is my joy.... feeding people creating something memorable and delicious for people I love. My mom likes to take a picture of every turkey I roast... motherly pride i suppose she likes to see me happy she knows this makes me happy everyone I know everyone who knows me knows my heart is happiest when I am giving cooking and loving.... when i feed Steve a bite of food and he loves it so much he kisses me right after... This gives me joy this overwhelms me sharing my love sharing my heart sharing my hard work that doesn't even feel like work til i sit down at the end of the night and my feet hurt. I can't wait to share it with everyone...I will share it with everyone haha Did I mention I eat too??? :)

With this ring...

We bought Steve's wedding band and i'm happy to say its exactly what he wanted! :) I'm glad its done i'm glad he's as happy with his ring as i am with mine. Sometimes i look at my hand and am still 11 months later surprised to see it sparkling up at me... and i think about this ring on his hand and all that that means... I know when he wears this ring it means he is mine and I am his. We love that it has crosses on it to remind us of the gift we have in Our Lord the strength we have the purpose and promise. I can't wait to put this ring on his finger I can't wait to see it on his hand i can't wait to hold his hand and feel the little band of cool metal brush against my palm. Its a ring... its a symbol of all our love all our comittment and above all our faith that God is in control that God has brought us together and we can and do walk by faith and trust God... My greatest prayer lately is that when we're old and gray sitting in our rocking chairs looking back over our life and our marriage we can say It was fun it was hard but we trusted the Lord and he is good! We can say that even today amidst new cars and crummy work schedules. We have a florist bill we don't know when we can pay off and his family still hasn't booked their plane tickets... but we have and we do trust and know that God is working... God will bring everyone safely to Reno... God will make sure the cake is paid for... God will ensure that Deaira's wedding dress fits and God will be with us all the days of our lives... Praise the Lord give thanks to the Lord for He is good!