Sunday, February 24, 2008

sometimes....


Sometimes I'll get in a mood and seek out and read everything I can about weddings... I'll look over couture wedding dresses even tho they wouldn't fit me in a millions lifetimes.. I could never afford one and I already have my perfect dress... I'll read message boards where women boast and giggle and share special details with each other... It always makes me day dreamy... I close my eyes and I try to imagine that wonderful day down the road. I look for the details like, how do I look in my dress? What about my hair have I imagined it just right... my beautiful flowers will they be as wonderful as I hope? Will everything look as dreamy and romantic as I hope? Will I smile perfectly for every picture... I hate myself in pictures wouldn't it be horrible to have an album full of pics of yourself on your wedding day you thought were ugly??? More than these vain questions I just want to see myself in that place I want to try and experience some of that joy right now... I wanna giggle and be excited when I imagine feeding Steve cake and getting frosting on his nose... purely on accident! 0:) I try to imagine how it will feel to pledge myself body, soul, love and devotion to Steve. Will I ball like a baby? I'm known to ball like a baby or will I be the picture of perfection so content and in love I can deliver every vow and statement with steadfast conviction... Will my eyes sparkle with joy?? I've dreamed of my wedding since I was 5. I've pictured every detail in my head... Why is it that now when I've found the only missing detail in my dreaming (Steve) my plans my dreams and my imaginings seem fuzzy and like I can't quite make them out... Could it be because this is a love beyond my imagination beyond my hopes and dreams more wonderful and brilliant than I ever could have imagined for myself... The details of the wedding itself are over shadowed, overpowered by the sheer love and joy I experience with this man day by day... I'm in shock haha I'm in shock to be blessed with such an amazing and perfect love... its the only logical explanation I can come up with... and its wonderful... still I wish I could envision the decorations and such a little more clearly down to the last leaf garland...haha...and I wish I could have a small taste of the joy and completeness I'll feel on that day but then again maybe if I could I wouldn't be as excited...

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