Thursday, February 14, 2008

its hard to see...

Its hard to see at this point in our relationship how we could ever be at war how we could ever not be in love... Even how we could be in love but just be so angry or disenfranchised with eachother that we want a time out... I realize those times will come of course and look forward to the stretching and growing those times can have in our marriage but right now... this side of marriage even being fully aware eyes wide open wanting to please the Lord wanting to please eachother having hearts that yearn to serve and submit its sooo hard as we walk in these steps as we walk along this path towards marriage its hard to imagine WAR or conflict or Go sleep on the couch! haha Steve and I fight we disaree we argue we bicker all of those normal things that happen between 2 people who spend a large amount of time together... We both have a mindset of permanence and committment, a keep going... one more day... just a little more... We can work it out... keep talking even if its all day...So far being engaged has truly been some of the sweetest time we have ever ever spent together... i can look back over our relationship and see how our love has grown how far God has brought us... Since I moved home we have had the most wonderful times of just sweetness and lovey doveyness that would make the average person gag haha Its hard to experience these times when i just feel so blessed by his prescence in my life its insane and then realize there will be times when i'm potentially traumatized by this person being intimately and intricately wrapped up in everything that is my life. We've been talking about this at great length lately... We communicate really well better everyday we have been together for almost 2 years we spend every free minute together if we're not working or sleeping we're together... I know its completely off the wall to assume we have the building blocks set for a perfect conflict free marriage i know no such thing exists and i know its silly to think we have an advantage or anything we can't know til we're experiencing it... its hard tho having not experienced it to feel prepared or to know the best way to prepare in some way and its somewhat discouraging to feel like maybe we just can't be prepared... I just know and hope I can always hold onto the knowledge that he is my blessing, my most perfect gift from God. I can't wait til our wedding day but i wouldn't give up a minute of being engaged its been so valuable these lessons these experiences talking in the car for an hour at midnight... Its hard to imagine not being so wonderfully completely in love with him...and maybe someday when we've been married for 30 years i'll look over these posts and laugh at my naivete... at the silly love struck girl i was so full of hope and promise... I imagine hope and desire that the 30 years older version of me will still be wonderfully and completely in love with him though...

1 comment:

Tiffany said...

You're so cute, and so in love... :)