About a year ago Steve and I decided to trust the Lord and see what would happen in terms of starting a family. I was scared I was so scared. I cried and came up with ridiculous ideas and plans to make it fit into my idea of ideal and I felt defeated because I didn't see how it could ever be what I'd always imagined. How could we even consider starting a family right now? Well we could of course but we weren't in any kind of place for it to be what I'd hoped it would be. We lived in this tiny (albeit wonderful) 1 bedroom apartment and we still need 2 incomes and on and on. I prayed and I cried and Steve hugged me and reassured me ( I love him have I said that?) God showed me how He had provided for other friends how He'd given them houses and the ability to stay home with their babies. He also gave me a cryptic answer to my questions and fears...
"The Lord will provide"
Thus far in all of my wondering, praying, worrying and trusting that is the only answer I've been given. Even now one year later with a life much changed and still filled with uncertainties...
"Yet one thing secures us whatever betide, The promise assures us the Lord will provide"
This is the birth story of Jeriah Daniel Goble...
Saturday April 17th was a busy fun filled day. I'd been showered with love by my sweet church ladies. I had an adorable froggy cloth diaper cake, many other wonderful gifts and delicious treats. I had a bag full of tie dyed onesies to rinse out and a bed piled high with the outpouring of love. My mom and I set to work and put it all away and got everything organized and ready for baby to come. We went out for dinner at Sizzler and I loaded up on salad with veggies and fruit and a small steak. (I'm so glad I ate a big filling dinner it would be my last meal for about 24 hours) We came home and relaxed. We watched some TV and did our usual thing.
We went to bed around 11:30. I couldn't sleep so I stayed up for another hour watching TV. I had been asleep for about an hour felt a little gush so I woke up, went to the bathroom, changed my pjs and went back to bed thinking the boy was just rocking out on my bladder but, I kept feeling those small gushes. My brain started working and I started wondering so I called the doctor. My doctor was still on vacation I spoke to his partner on call and explained everything to her. She said she couldn't tell me if my water had broke over the phone and that we'd have to come in to be checked. I started getting stuff together. I put on real clothes and started getting last minute things together and let Steve keep sleeping. Eventually having the light on and my activity woke Steve up and I told him what was going on we finished getting stuff together. It was about 1:20 Sunday morning I wasn't really feeling anything I thought maybe I might be having small little contractions but it certainly wasn't anywhere near horrible. We climbed in our van and headed for the hospital.
We got to the hospital and when I got out of the car I KNEW my water had broken. I walked into the ER said "I think I'm having a baby today" and was directed upstairs to the Labor and Delivery check in which was halfway thru the hospital and up the elevator to the 2nd floor. I made Steve walk behind me. (In retrospect I'm a little surprised they didn't offer me a wheelchair or any kind of assistance. I didn't NEED it but still) We got upstairs checked in and shown to a room a nurse came in we explained everything and donned the highly fashionable hospital gown, peed in a cup and all the other lovely trappings. Steve and I stopped to pray trusting that God would hold us thru the night and be with us come what may. I climbed into bed and they started checking me hooked me up to machines I was pretty sure at this point I was contracting but not badly just little twinges. Steve and I started debating when we should call everyone. It took the hospital 2 hours to confirm anything. It was confirmed my water had broken that I was fully effaced and only 1 cm dilated. I was hooked up to the fetal monitors etc but my contractions weren't really strong enough to register so they started me on pitocin to get my contractions going. I asked if this was necessary cuz I'd read horror stories about hard labor and nightmarish deliveries because the pitocin works too well. I was assured it was only to establish a contraction pattern and make them consistent.. I'm thankful they didn't try to rush it they kept it on low and didn't turn it up. After awhile I was having contractions every 4 min and that were a min long.
By 8am I was dilated to 4cm just trooping along I could breathe thru every contraction and was talking laughing smiling etc. The nurse and Dr. on call kept telling me they needed to make me more uncomfortable that I was still smiling. In the same breath they told me how well I was doing. I think this is probably when I start hearing another mommy on the floor screaming cursing crying etc... SCARY!!! That was intimidating to me. I felt so bad cuz all I could think was oh I hope I'm not like that! Then I felt bad knowing it very well could be me in a few hours and I wouldn't care who heard me! I prayed for her. I was probably almost as relieved as she was when I finally heard her baby cry. I did this for many other mommies struggling to bring babies into the world that morning. When I had to pause and get thru my own contractions. I was singing "Be Thou My Vision" and "Jesus I am Resting Resting" I know there were other songs on my heart that day I know God supplied the words and focus for me every minute but these 2 stick out. I also know my constant answer was drumming in my mind "This answers all questions the Lord will provide."
By about noon my family had arrived and they were keeping Steve sane We'd also been in touch with Steve's family in Michigan and I took great comfort knowing my church family had been told and were praying for us too . I got to talk to my Auntie and she prayed with me. I was 6-8cm dilated and I was starting to feel the need to push. They told me to fight it and that was the hardest thing at that point!!! I knew I was tired I hadn't slept all night and I knew the BIG SHOW was still ahead of me I asked for some IV drugs so I could relax a little and rest up. That took my mind off the need to push and let me half sleep between contractions which I was still managing pretty well just breathing and trusting the Lord. Each time I'd have a contraction I'd blow out a breath slowly and count each breath up to 10 I knew it would peak around 6 or 7 and then it would go away sometimes I had to puff out an 11 or 12 but it worked for me.
I don't remember feeling the drugs take effect or any effect they had. Finally I was fully dilated except for a little bit and the Dr. was across town but I needed to push badly. I was starting to lose my cool focus. We started pushing my nurse was just trying to bring him down and maybe get him crowning The Dr was on her way and would be there in 10-15 min. I vaguely remember thinking that this was really going to take long enough for the Dr to drive from the other hospital. I wasn't going anywhere though and really had no idea what to expect I just knew that BIG SHOW had begun. I had Steve and my Sissy. I made sure she had the camera ready to go.
My labor and delivery nurse was so wonderful and encouraging the whole time. She was sweet and fun and a blessing. I enjoyed her very much. We laughed and smiled together even fully dilated and ready to push I was smiling. There was another Dr. on standby but no one thought I was quite there yet. We did some controlled slow pushing or just like hoo hoo hoo breathing and then she let me really bear down and push once. We did a slow controlled push and at the very tail end of the contraction my nurse told me to stop but Jeriah wasn't stopping and I couldn't.
Suddenly I just felt a huge burst and gush and heard a tiny little cry and I realized it was over. In that minute I also remember thinking to myself "THATS IT I could totally do that again!" I also knew instinctively there was no way he was 9 or 10 lbs! My nurse said he shot out like a rocket. There was no delivery of head then shoulders one minute there was pushing and the next second there was my baby. Pushing was the hardest part by far only because I felt like I had no control I think at that point it was truly just my body doing what God had made it to do. Steve kept me focused when I couldn't think or control my breathing or actions he encouraged me. He brought my focus back to the work before me even when I didn't think I could do it anymore. The BIG SHOW only lasted maybe 15 min but when I needed him he was there! He was my husband and no one else but him could've kept me going. I was probably in active hard labor for 30 min tops to my recollection.
My mom and Steve ran into my nurse the next day I guess I was the talk of labor and delivery for 2 days because I had been so strong and so calm the entire time. When I finally did see my Dr. he told me I'd had such an easy time I could probably have 10 kids. I don't remember seeing Jeriah's face for the first time or it even really sinking in at that point it all kind of went fuzzy maybe I was finally feeling the drugs! I think I remember just saying "I'm your mommy" and struggling to introduce him to his first meal. (Thankfully he got the hang on that the next day) I remember my family swarming around taking pictures. I remember introducing Izaiah to Jeriah singing the little song I sang to Izaiah... "Hi Jeriah this is Izaiah" I remember Izaiah smiling and reaching out to touch his cousin. I remember the way my Dad took Jeriah in his arms and held him close to his face and quietly whispered to him! I remember my family's joy! I remember the Dr. fixing the tear Jeriah made in his rush to get out. I remember the taste of cold sweet REAL sugar Vanilla pudding! :)
Obviously in the 2 weeks since Jeriah's arrival we've learned much and we've fallen in love with our son. I don't think its possible to fully comprehend how much our parents love us until we get to experience that love ourselves. How much greater still is Our Father's love for us! Jeriah's arrival was perfectly overseen by my Father in Heaven! The timing the provision the strength! As Steve and I look back we see God's hand on everything. We continue to rest in Him and trust him. Our jobs may not be as secure as we'd like, We'd like it if I could quit my job and work from home to be with Jeriah. We're in a REAL place of submission and reliance on God's provision. We have no plans nothing set up and a date to return to work looming on the horizon and no idea what to do with our Bug. When I think about the weeks ahead my mind spins and I replay those words that have echoed in my head and in my heart for the last year... "Yet one thing secures us whatever betide, The promise assures us the Lord will provide" I have no idea what the Lord's provision will be it could be the opposite of what I want but I know as with all things it will be what is best and it will amaze us.