Afraid...

So a week and a half ago I went in for the standard gestational diabetes test. I ate breakfast as instructed by my Dr grabbed my crocheting bag and prepared to drink of bottle of sugary sweet syrup and sit for an hour for my date with a needle. I felt fine and normal the whole time and wrote it off certain if there was a problem i would've felt funny. I had questioned a few months ago if I might have it but when I researched it all of the symptoms I had that I thought might be gestational diabetes also were normal pregnancy symptoms. I wrote the test off until this week when I got a letter from my Dr that my blood glucose levels were high and he'd like for me to take the 3 hour test. I'm gonna get a lot of crocheting done that's for sure! So tomorrow I start a 3 day "diet" and on Wednesday I have another 3 hour date at the lab with a bottle of sugary syrup and apparently several encounters with a needle. (pregnancy has a way of making you not fear needles so much between blood tests and rogham shots)

I'm afraid of what it could all mean. I'm beyond thankful for my friend Tiffany! (who's been a diabetic for longer than she can remember) She lets me ask her millions of questions about blood sugar and what this could mean and what that could mean. She's making a big scary world a little more clear an d clarifying some facts for me. She's explained what my symptoms could mean and while she hasn't alleviated a single one of my fears maybe she's (depending on the test results) confirmed them. She's tried to explain why if my blood sugar is high do I have an insatiable craving for brownies, soda and syrupy sweet things. That insatiable appetite I've mentioned its still here. I have no idea how or why i can eat so much or be constantly hungry minutes after eating so much. I've been so angry at myself for being so hungry. Is it normal because I'm pregnant or is it something else?

My fears are justifiable, I knew before i got pregnant it was a possibility perhaps even more likely a possibility for me than for other people. Riding on the coat tails of my fears has been this conviction that Steve and I in general need to re think the way we eat a little bit. We don't eat poorly and I'm not one to cook from a box or a can very often but being the foodie I am I read blogs and see recipes and if one tickles my fancy generally speaking I won't think twice about jumping on board to try it no matter how horrible the ingredients ( canned biscuit dough and Mt Dew anyone? ) Maybe this is the kind of motivation I need to really weed out some of the poor choices we make and take some more control and practice more moderation. I don't know why I'm so afraid of changing my diet anyways its not like I don't like or eat GOOD food. I had a veggie sandwich on whole wheat bread yesterday and it was the most delicious thing! We had fruit salad for dessert that was the stuff of dreams. I LOVE GOOD REAL FOOD!!! I think my fears are based in what it could mean for Jeriah immediately and me long term. Oh and that other thing (ugh) having to practice self-discipline. I have no qualms about eating good food so long as I can still have the bad ones if and when I want them. :)
So here we go... and we'll see whatever it means wherever it leads whatever it brings...