The birth story of Eowyn Grace... part 1

So do not fear, for I am with you;  do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
~ Isaiah 41:10~

 

     This is the birth story of Eowyn "Wynnie" Grace Goble. Wynnie's birth was a planned homebirth. She was in a hurry to get here and was born unexpectedly unassisted with just her Momma in attendance and surprised us all being breech. 
 
     This story is not meant to be a tale of my strength but rather of the strength given to me by my Father in Heaven. Without my faith and trust in the Lord and His perfect design of birth and a woman's body this story could have been very different. I believe without my submission to the Lord in these moments and calling out to Him my baby's birth could have been very different. If anything the birth story of Eowyn Grace Goble is an enormous testimony of a perfect loving God who upholds His children in their hour of need. He's again proved to me that He provides perfectly in every moment of our lives and His blessings are beyond imagination.

     Isaiah 41:10 was the "verse of the day" on my cell phone July 19th 2012. It was God's first gift to me that morning. The day started out as normal. The alarm went off for Steve to go to work at about 6:20am. I hauled my big pregnant self out of bed to shut it off and went to put Steve's lunch together and do my other early morning "wifely" chores. I went back to bed grabbing my cell phone from the charger and I first read Isaiah 41:10. I couldn't go right back to sleep so I just kind of laid in bed half watching TV then decided to pray for awhile. It was really nice to just lay there and talk to the Lord. I don't remember any of my specific prayers that morning just spending time with the Lord and it soothed my soul.

     Around 7:30 still half praying half dosing off I felt my very first "real" contraction. Everything I'd felt up until that moment had just been a Braxton Hick. I wasn't even sure if this was real and I didn't want to get excited. I acknowledged it was real and waited to see if another would come. I felt another one after about 5 minutes. I decided to open up the contraction timer app on my phone for the first time. Sure enough I was having contractions lasting 60-90 seconds every 5 min. I decided to make sure they were consistent for 30 min before I called Sherry (my midwife). I stayed in bed resting and relaxing (foolishly) thinking maybe I could doze and get a little more sleep.

     Around 8:15 I'd been having consistent contractions for just over 30 min so I grabbed my phone, grabbed a waterproof pad(in case my water broke) and went out into the living room. I turned on the computer thinking I'd just sit around make some phone calls and wait to see what happened. I emailed Steve told him what was going on, called my mom, woke up my brother Kyle and I called Sherry. Sherry told me she would pack her car up and get on her way and to call her back in 30 min if things were still moving along. At 8:45 I was still going as consistent as could be. It was like someone had just flipped a switch and my labor had turned on. I was standing up thru my contractions and swaying my hips. During each contraction I was singing the song that reminded me of Isaiah 41:10. "I'll strengthen thee help thee and cause thee to stand upheld by my righteous omnipotent hand" It played over and over in my head while I calmly worked thru each contraction.

     These contractions were different from with Jeriah it was definitely back labor. My hips felt like they were being squeezed in a vice and all the pressure I felt was on my tailbone rather than my cervix. They were more difficult and painful for sure. I was already blowing thru them which should have indicated to me that things were moving quickly. I called Sherry told her things were still going. My contractions were now coming every 3 to 5 minutes. She said she was on her way. Sitting at the computer was becoming more difficult and painful so I told Steve I would text him any news and I moved to the couch. My thought being that if I was on my knees or all 4's the contractions would be easier to cope. I also hoped it would lessen the wrenching back labor. I knew back labor was a sign baby might not be in the best position so I wanted to be in a good position to help my baby move into the best one.

     Steve didn't head straight home. Not having any paid time off after his own medical nightmare in June we wanted to be sure things were happening before he left work. We'd agreed he would wait until Sherry arrived to tell me whether we had a few hours or if Steve should get home now. I did tell him things seemed to be moving fast and then a few minutes later told him he should come home sooner than later. A lot of what happened after I moved to the couch was a blur! My text message history is the best recollection I have. I know I talked to Kyle some and asked him to bring the laundry basket of birth supplies out so they would be accessible when needed.

     It was probably around 9:10 or 9:15 when things really got intense. I couldn't believe how strong my contractions were and how quickly they got that way. I felt my body starting to push and I truly could not believe it! It was too soon surely I didn't need to push yet. I was only pushing because I was in a hurry to get this over with! This "pushing" was all in my head. I couldn't be pushing because Sherry wasn't here, Steve wasn't here and I couldn't do this without Steve to keep me focused like he did with Jeriah! HOW COULD I BE PUSHING???

     My own disbelief that I was truly pushing aside I wanted to allow my body to do what it did I was trying to submit to the natural urges my body was experiencing. Pushing was almost a relief thru the whole birth. It was intense and seemed out of my control.  I think the emotional and mental weight of the circumstances overshadowed most of the physical pain my body was going thru. I think I just  didn't have time to feel I was so focused on the business at hand.  The urge to push was intense and I was afraid the only clear thought in my head was to call out to the Lord! And I DID! LOUDLY! I can't remember exactly what I said but I just cried out to the Lord for help for strength for guidance and everything He could heap upon me in that moment. I'd spent the whole of my pregnancy "preaching" about trusting my body and trusting God's design for pregnancy and birth God was calling me out on it and asking me to trust Him. I didn't really have an alternative choice under the circumstances.

     Poor Kyle I don't know what he was thinking watching me and listening to me. I certainly didn't expect or necessarily want him to bear witness to my birth not like this anyways. I'm sure he didn't expect to either though he has assured my since that its fine he isn't scarred for life. I'm relieved he was "spared" the most graphic bits. I had another pushing contraction and my water broke but I wasn't 100% certain at the time that it was my water. I don't remember wetness as much as just the acknowledgement something popped. I couldn't stop thinking...How could it be this soon it can't be this soon. I was in a state of disbelief.  With the next contraction I needed to know I was truly pushing. So I put my hand down in my pajama pants.  I needed to feel that I was actually PUSHING! Sure enough I felt that I was opening and stretched. I felt more trying to determine exactly what I was feeling. I couldn't see not only because of my pajama pants but I was standing up on my knees leaning forward on the couch cushions.

      I let my fingers wander over and felt something that had to be the umbilical cord. That sent me into a panic the first thought in my head was "Cord prolapse"... Umbilical Cord Prolapse can be deadly if my baby's cord was coming out first it was trouble my baby could be starved for oxygen and I had no idea how to deal with it. Kyle was standing there looking quite helpless and confused. I looked up and told him to call 911! Hoping someone could help guide me through this so my baby could arrive safely.

     This was when God intervened and continued to prove He was in control. Jeriah marched out of the bedroom to see what was going on. He was unaccustomed to hearing mommy's LOUD fervent prayers (more accustomed to the quiet soft ones whispered at bedtime). He'd come to investigate. I remember the rumpled sleepy look on his face the last time I saw him as an "only child." Kyle immediately swooped into uncle mode and got Jeriah settled with Umizoomi in the other room. Kyle never did call 911.

      I kept praying and feeling with my fingers trusting and asking God for help and what to do next. As I continued to feel I realized I wasn't feeling a round head but I felt like columns with the cord in between. I'm not sure if I was feeling legs with feet tucked inside or a squishy little butt. I had another urge to push  and then  there were sweet baby feet. I realized my baby was coming into the world foot first! It was around this point I relaxed just a little. Thankfully God had even prepared me for a breech baby by guiding me to read birth stories and articles about breech births. The one thing the ONLY thing I could remember in that instance was "HANDS OFF! I felt a foot move which reassured me that my baby was ok and alive. I had a break between contractions and Kyle came out of the bedroom from settling Jeriah. I sent him outside to look for Sherry hoping so so hard she was pulling into the driveway at that moment!

     In the next push baby was free except for shoulders and head I just relaxed and allowed my body and my baby to do what they needed to I had my hands there to support and caress but didn't grab, pull or do anything to help. In the next push my baby was free. I did feel a ring of fire at some point and I felt the baby moving down in my body like a hard slippery ball of pressure but I don't remember pain. I certainly don't remember excruciating "I'm going to die" unmanageable pain. My thoughts were too focused on delivering this baby and listening for the Lord's guidance!  

      I immediately brought baby to my chest so I could see everything was ok. I wanted to make sure  baby could breathe with me and feel safe and warm against me. I looked down at that beautiful little person in shock and awe.  I caught my breath and probably relaxed a little. My sweet baby let out a few good cries to reassure me it was ok. and I encouraged it caressing and touching it the whole time to stimulate it and reassure it Mommy was there. I looked at the clock and noted the time of 9:23am. Then I put baby down on the water proof pad I had THANKFULLY had the good sense to put under me when I moved to the couch. I briefly glanced down and discovered we had baby girl but didn't give it much more though than that as I noticed the cord was around her neck not dangerously so as she had screamed but I unwound it. I stripped off my shirt so I could hold my baby skin to skin.

      Kyle came back in without Sherry to my disappointment and he found me with a baby on my chest. I was pretty shell shocked at this point and trying to find my head. I couldn't believe it was over, I couldn't believe I'd done it alone with only the Lord and the brains in my head. I had trusted the Lord I had trusted my body and I had trusted in birth.

     I don't know when my brain truly came back to me or if it really did but I managed to call Sherry. I can't remember what I said word for word but it was something to the effect of... "I just delivered my breech baby by myself in my living room." I think she was pretty shocked and certainly surprised! I told her baby was ok I was ok and she told me she was close. I relaxed and waited for her to get here! I couldn't call Steve so I just sent him a text message telling him to call me. When he did I told him he was a daddy again. I asked if he wanted to know who our baby was and he said no. He wanted to wait until he got home. I told Kyle to call my mom and tell her baby was here but I told him I wasn't telling what the baby was until Steve knew. I knew that would irritate the snot out of my mom but felt Steve deserved to know first.

    I  figured at some point I should move and get more comfortable. I had Kyle hand me some chux pads and my robe so I could move from the floor to sit on the couch. I laid the chucks out on the couch but I never did move I was still in my head trusting that God or my instincts would tell me what to do next to move not to move. I was still kneeling on the floor when I heard Sherry come in the door.

I don't know that I remember much once Sherry arrived. I know I felt like I could finally relax and breathe.  Sherry helped me to deliver the placenta and to sit on the couch. I did and I remember allowing Wynnie to latch onto my breast to nurse. She latched herself and it was perfect from the start no pain just a sweet baby girl doing what she was supposed to do. I touched her all over there wasn't much vernix on her but what there was I rubbed into her skin. I smelled her. She smelled delicious and intoxicating. It was a month before She had  first bath because I didn't want to wash off that scent!

      Soon after Sherry arrived Steve came home and another wave of relief came over me. Things were ok now I could relax more. Steve stood behind the couch his head close to mine and I introduced him to our daughter. I told him we had our Wynnie. That Grandma Goble has given us her blessing and we had a sweet baby girl. (The story of Eowyn's name is another story to hopefully be told later) I think he teared up a little. We had a moment a sweet little married moment together to mark the birth of our daughter and the expansion of our family.
 

           Eowyn Grace on the day of her birth looking up at her Momma

Crunchy Crunch Crunch...

Urban dictionary defines crunchy mama as a Mother who supports homebirth, breastfeeding, baby wearing, cloth diapering, co-sleeping, gentle discipline, etc. One who questions established medical authority; tends to be vegetarian and/or prepare all-organic foods.

I remember when I was pregnant and reading all these things I was overwhelmed with the tags Mom's used to describe themselves it all swirled around in my brain and made no sense. Now that I've spent about 14months in this mommy world its much clearer and I find myself identifying more and more with a certain type. Yes, its true I'm crunchy I think I become crunchier by the day and its not because I want to be cool or follow any trend or even be a part of a group. I think I'm just crunchy because all of these things that are "crunchy" are things that just make the most sense to me on many different levels!

I'm not perfectly crunchy. I wish we could eat more organically, locally and sustainably. I hope at some point we can but by and large I at least cook whole foods and avoid processed foods as much as possible (save that dratted Pepsi addiction). I would like to research and pray about gentle discipline the bible says I can spank my kids and encourages it but I wonder if there are gentler ways so spanking is a last resort instead of a first one. I hope and pray my next child can be born peacefully at home or in a birthing center. I'm looking into but have yet to take the plunge into Natural family planning but I'm getting there day by day... Tonight I was looking into "No-Poo" that is abolishing shampoo/conditioner and washing my hair with baking soda and apple cider vinegar. It saves money, has no harsh chemicals and comes with the promise of fuller shinier bouncier hair something that has been lacking in my life lately.

I feel like such a rebel admitting these things but I don't think any of them are really surprising to anyone especially if you're my friend on facebook. LOL I seem to get on my crunchy soap box a lot there. I like being crunchy it fits me it works for me and my family. My hubby thinks I'm nuts sometimes but a lot of the times after I've done it and he's seen how it works he agrees with me that its good. I also pester him to death with "Did you knows?" and "Hey this article suggests..." I love my husband he's very tolerant and loving of all my crunchiness!

I enjoy meeting like minded Mama's I found this blog Uniquely Normal Mom tonight and read through and really enjoyed it a lot. Its always fun to see and learn from other Mom's what they do and how they live I find I always learn something new! She's also giving away an ERGO which is on my wish list before we make Jeriah a big brother! :)

My Cutie's Cloth Booty!

He was just a few days past 6 weeks old... I had 24 brand new diapers sitting waiting for him to be big enough to use. I didn't believe those BIG diapers could fit on my sweet tiny little boy. It took a nudge of encouragement from my friend Kelly before I tried it. It turned out that despite looking like it was going to eat him IT FIT!! That was the last day Jeriah wore a disposable diaper.
If you figure that every disposable diaper costs $0.25 each and a child goes thru about 7 diapers a day over 365 days that's about $638.75 we have saved not buying diapers. That savings while small has helped make it possible for ME to be the one changing every one of those diapers(GRandma has changed a few too). It has allowed me to be here with my baby every day of his life. Its ironic I haven't blogged about his first birthday yet but I'll blog about his cloth diaper anniversary lol. Maybe I'll get there its still hard to admit he's 1 year old. Admitting he's had a soft fluffy cloth butt for a year is easier!
I haven't ever regretted my decision to use cloth diapers even with the poopiest messes. EVEN BETTER all but 1-2 of those poopy messes was contained in the diaper! Washing is pretty much as easy as tossing them in and starting it up. I haven't ever had a problem with my diapers I haven't ever needed to strip them I treat them with care and love because I hope they'll last me thru a few kids! I am interested in trying other kinds and styles but I don't feel the urge to buy every cute diaper I see. I have been tempted seriously by Beatles diapers, Sushi Diapers and Super Mario diapers. Someday I'll have a girl (I hope) and I'll really have to find a way to buy some ruffly butt fluff! I'm just thankful everyday for what I have and what it means!
I also am a year overdue in saying THANK YOU!!! I did/do have a good adorable toddling excuse for not saying it sooner since he came the day after I received this wonderful gift. I'm still late saying it... All 24 of my wonderful diapers were a collective gift from the women at my church. My sweet sisters chipped in so I could be a weirdo who uses cloth diapers. I received everything I need 24 diapers, 3 wet bags, more wipes than I can count, a diaper sprayer, Baking soda, liners and i may be forgetting something. I am tremendously thankful to all of you all of them. Again it has helped make staying home with my baby a reality and in part allowed me my "dream job" STAYING HOME being Jeriah's Momma!

EPIC FAIL! With a glimmer of hope....

So I've failed at my May Challenge which makes me sad I had really wanted to do it and spring clean my house... but in glancing thru the book (which is a perfectly fine good book) I found it to be a spring cleaning book and not so much a manage your every day life kind of book So until I can get a handle on the everyday its hard to imagine adding epic tasks like scrubbing my walls to it. I was amazed and disgusted tho when I scrubbed my kitchen cabinets blech... Its amazing to me how things get dirty that you wouldn't think get dirty offhand...

So a glimmer of hope I know my house isn't filthy! I could deal with the small amounts of shame if a friend dropped by un-announced most of the time. I have started just making little rules for myself tho to help me control the chaos. That way I don't feel like I have an insurmountable list of things to do. Among these; pick up Jeriah's toys when he sleeps This contributes to the overall cleanliness of the living room. I've also discovered if the toys are picked up he plays with them more lol. As soon as he's able to I'm going to start teaching him to help clean up the toys its on the horizon I can see it! :) Another thing I've tried to add is 30 min of kitchen clean up. Its easy for me on easy dinner nights when we only dirty 2 plates to leave the dishes for tomorrow but after 2 days of leaving the frying pan and 2 plates plus other assorted dishes I need to clean the kitchen badly!

I think the biggest challenge is time I feel like I need all day to clean but I'm learning cleaning up doesn't take a whole lot of time I just think it does cuz I don't want to do it. It reminds me of homework at some point I realized its easier to DO it and get it done than to not do it and suffer the consequences.

I do hope to read thru and complete the challenges in the book someday for the heart and home overhaul!

Week 1...

And so it begins... I'm going to post weekly but I'll try and say something about each day. What I learned or what God put on my heart how much I hate folding laundry... stuff like that :)

Day 1:
This day brought the question Why do I want a clean home... um isn't that obvious? I want to not be afraid if someone comes over. I want to have people over.I want to walk into a room and not see work waiting for me. I want to serve my family. I want it to be safe for my son so I don't find another "made in china" sticker in his diaper. I want home to be comfy and relaxing I want to relax and enjoy my family here not be thinking about how badly I need to dust the ceiling fan!
The idea behind this list is to remind me why I spend time everyday doing these things. Some days I feel like I clean my kitchen just to dirty it again. Far too often this happens and it saddens me. I was challenged to write a Mission statement for myself to motivate me everyday when I roll my eyes at the thought of doing whatever chore AGAIN!

"My home is the place where my family lives and it should feel lived in and full of life. I want to bring life to my family. I want my family to see that I desire to serve them as their wife and mommy." I may change this... LOL

My chore for day 1 was to look ahead at all the tasks in the days to come and ensure I have all the necessary potions, scrubs, sponges and scrapers! This may have been a bad idea cuz I had to look ahead at all the chores I have to look forward to... LOL On the plus side there are some I won't be able to do such as clean out my utility room. I don't really have one it kind of gets lumped in with the kitchen so on those day My goal will be to work on the other projects around my tiny sweet little home that I feel need my attention like dusting that darn ceiling fan.

Needs: febreeze and I think thats it.

Day 2:

Reminds us that women are life givers and give life with our words, our homes, our church etc. The challenge is to look at my home as something to make alive. What can I do to make it feel alive for me, Steve andJeriah? Off the top of my head i'm going to start opening the windows i think... Sunshine pouring in makes me feel rejuvenated and i hope it will have a similar effect on Jeriah. Also Flowers I wish I could put fresh flowers somewhere. Maybe i'll buy a little pot of flowers to grow in my kitchen!

My Cleaning Challege: Kitchen-clean out and scrub down my fridge and freezer! *sigh* usually my fridge isn't full of leftovers and such but this time it was and having space in it again is good! That and it looks empty... EEK until you wrench open the produce drawer and then I feel better deeing it so full of good things! :)

Day 3: Epic FAIL....Time to regroup I am going to *TRY* and finish my cleaning chores this weekend! and can hopefully get back on track by Monday... Not to make excuses because I did have moments of selfish laziness and facebook time and I wanna talk to my husband time... Jeriah's also teething and he's a horrible teether even with his amber teething necklace even chewing on frozen washcloths. He had a slight fever and was throwing up he's been chewing on anything he can get in his mouth... He also sleeps so erratically when teething so I in turn sleep erratically :( We've also realized we need to start changing how we've been feeding him so I've been trying to plot a new course in that regard. Lactivist that I am was relying too much on my milk to nourish him and while it is perfect and complete he needs additional things now and I need to be more proactive and diligent about feeding him. I never starved him but I often thought while out and about I'll just nurse him and la de da and he need more than that now. I feel negligent in some ways but I always offered him a variety of healthy good food and I've always let him choose to eat what he wants to eat and how much. Its a new dance for him and I to learn together. He has a lot of butter in his future and i might make him some rich eggy vanilla pudding. I'm also going to try and cut out 1-2 of those sweet precious nursing times . Weaning a baby the process of transitioning him (no matter how slowly) from the milk of my breast to other foods is hard.

We're also looking at and praying about moving so I've been scouring Craigs list looking for a new home that would be a little bigger and hopefully the same price for rent thats closer to work for Steve. This cleaning challenge is GOOD in the regard I can get a head start on cleaning it up before we move out even tho it will be hard to leave :(

I remain committed and will try to persevere... maybe this 31 day challenge will take me 2 months but I'm sure there are lessons and blessings to be learned!

A Challenge....

*ominous music playing*

So I heard about this book 31 Days to Clean:Having a Martha House the Mary way by Sarah Mae on facebook a friend of mine got a copy for free (I think?) then another friend posted a link to a blog about raising homemakers (filed that one away for a future daughter God may bless me with) and the book was advertised there AND this challenge was offered. This book seemed to keep popping up and I was intrigued at the idea of a book that might teach me a system of keeping my home. I struggle with this and not because I don't enjoy cleaning but I feel like I don't have opportunity cuz I'm chasing around this grabby little person who's mission in life is to seek out trouble. Maybe I use him as an excuse? I am definitely guilty of collapsing exausted and spending my cleaning time relaxing! At any rate I would love to have a better heart attitude when it comes to my home. I would love for it to be cleaner and more organized. It would make me feel less stressed and maybe more relaxed when I have time to relax!
I feel like God kept putting this book in my face for a reason so I woke up this morning with a niggling little nudge nudge in my mind that I should jump ship and do this challenge. What do I have to lose? The book costs $5 on my(new amazing hopefully life-changing) kindle which is a small price to pay for a clean house and a God centered attitude toward keeping my home.
I hope to be faithful about blogging thru the next 30+ days. I don't have to every day just once a week. More than a committment to blog tho I hope I can be faithful about doing each task each day the one for my heart and the one for my home... Help me friends hold me accountable and ask me how its going! I may have no idea what I'm in for!

Here's how it works:
1. Read the chapters each day that week. Highlight, take notes, do what you have to do to engage the material. Don’t just read it. Really allow it to change you. Journal, pray, look up scriptures.
2. Write a post (or more, if you like) sharing your most challenging chapter for that week and give us a personal glimpse as to why you struggle in this area. Don’t worry! We all have an area of struggle, so we will all be sharing! Share what you need that could help you in that area. I will be posting a struggle, but also some extra solutions to accompany what Sarah Mae has offered. If you feel compelled, why not also share something that comes easily for you? Perhaps you could offer tips to others who may be struggling?
3. Use the button in your post so that others can find their way back in case they would like to join us. The more the merrier! I have changed the code so it brings you to the list of “31 Days to Clean” posts. You can find the button in my sidebar.
4.Link up your post(s) on Friday, beginning May 6th . It doesn’t matter what day you choose to write your post, you can still link it up on Friday.

My buggy-boo Jeriah-roo

Standing is your new favorite past time. You're in such a hurry to be a big kid...Why the rush little boy. I think you're just like your momma was you wanna be an adult you wanna be a big kid. I want you to stay tiny forever to stay snuggly forever! You started crawling 3 good little buttwiggling crawls on Jan 15. I watched you from the bathroom and as soon as you crawled I cried. Now you crawl everywhere! You still seem too small for that but the very fact that you're doing it must mean you're bigger than I want you to be! We still need to have that conversation about how you're not allowed to wean until you're like 5! You're always on the move since you could rollover you wanted to move to knock down walls and blaze new trails. You're a very determined young man. I hope you keep that determination your whole life Jeriah-roo! I don't think its possible to say what a joy you are to me... Even tho I feel like i'm constantly chasing you around and sweeping things out of your mouth.

You're semi interested in food but it apparently has nothing on the invisible bits and pieces you find on the floor. I found a "made in china" sticker in your diaper the other day and I know you weren't made in china and neither were your diapers! You seem to love veggies! You adore green beans and broccoli! You also love banana but your favorite thing is still Mommy milk! You did really like spaghetti tho!

You zoom all over the house if not on your hands and knees in the walker we got from Daddy's co-worker. You're definitely Mommy's shadow I knew you would be so attatched to me you are little boy and even tho sometimes I just want some space for myself a quick snuggle and sniff of your sweet baby head and its ok!

You love to watch me cook and be in the kitchen with me which is kind of a joy to share with you even tho you have no idea what I'm doing. I feel like I'm sharing something really special with you in the kitchen! I do wish tho that you would keep your little fingers away from the trashcan!

We think you're saying Daddy it sounds kind of like YeeYee it makes me happy that you said Daddy first! You've been Mommy's boy so long its good for him to HEAR you love him so much to name him first! You two sure have a lot of fun together! Giggling and finding buggy meat to tickle. You and Daddy also have a lot of conversations in Wookie.

You're a long and lean little man about 29inches tall and 18lbs. You're a squirmy wormy little bug. I love in the middle of the night when you're snuggled against me to just look at your sweet face. 9 and a half months and I still can't believe you're mine. I still can't believe God trusted me with you!