Mommy Lessons... Selfishness

I don't think anything in life (even marriage) has shown me quite so vividly how selfish I am as this little person that now consumes my days, my nights and my heart. It happens every night around 3-4am Jeriah wakes up and I dutifully sit up grab him from his bassinet and soothe and satiate all of Jeriah's little needs... all the while counting the seconds through blurry eyes struggling to stay awake watching the silly TV I never wanted to put in our bedroom and now CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT cuz it keeps me awake for the 1 or 2 or 3 hours it takes me to feed my little bug and get him back to sleep! Every night he wakes up and I pick him up and love him I feed him and kiss and snuggle him its really the sweetest thing being his mommy and yet even tho I know "the formula" required to put him back to sleep I inevitably ignore a step in my selfish hurry to go back to sleep. Jeriah likes to eat from both sides... twice and each side can take him about 20-30 min ( That kid loves to eat!) he must have a clean diaper and he must be swaddled! Sometimes tho I seem to think that if he conks out after eating that I can just put him back in his bassinet... and I can but it will only last about 15 min and then I have to wake up and do whatever it is I didn't do in my selfish hurry to get back to sleep! When i obey the formula i can usually be back to sleep in about an hour! :)

Despite my selfishness however the sweet little bug decided to try sleeping through the night at 6 weeks old :) 7 whole hours. It's too bad I woke up 3 times to make sure he was ok and didn't get 7 uninterrupted hours of sleep myself. I'm absolutely in love with my fancy bassinet that vibrates, has a mobile, music and a night light! He's a happy baby in the morning when he wakes up and he can and will coo peacefully in his bassinet as long as the mobile is running. I can usually squeak out another hour of sleep doing this interrupted only by having to restart the mobile :)

He's a pretty chill little dude this bug of mine!

Jeriah Arrives!

About a year ago Steve and I decided to trust the Lord and see what would happen in terms of starting a family. I was scared I was so scared. I cried and came up with ridiculous ideas and plans to make it fit into my idea of ideal and I felt defeated because I didn't see how it could ever be what I'd always imagined. How could we even consider starting a family right now? Well we could of course but we weren't in any kind of place for it to be what I'd hoped it would be. We lived in this tiny (albeit wonderful) 1 bedroom apartment and we still need 2 incomes and on and on. I prayed and I cried and Steve hugged me and reassured me ( I love him have I said that?) God showed me how He had provided for other friends how He'd given them houses and the ability to stay home with their babies. He also gave me a cryptic answer to my questions and fears...

"The Lord will provide"

Thus far in all of my wondering, praying, worrying and trusting that is the only answer I've been given. Even now one year later with a life much changed and still filled with uncertainties...

"Yet one thing secures us whatever betide, The promise assures us the Lord will provide"

This is the birth story of Jeriah Daniel Goble...
Saturday April 17th was a busy fun filled day. I'd been showered with love by my sweet church ladies. I had an adorable froggy cloth diaper cake, many other wonderful gifts and delicious treats. I had a bag full of tie dyed onesies to rinse out and a bed piled high with the outpouring of love. My mom and I set to work and put it all away and got everything organized and ready for baby to come. We went out for dinner at Sizzler and I loaded up on salad with veggies and fruit and a small steak. (I'm so glad I ate a big filling dinner it would be my last meal for about 24 hours) We came home and relaxed. We watched some TV and did our usual thing.
We went to bed around 11:30. I couldn't sleep so I stayed up for another hour watching TV. I had been asleep for about an hour felt a little gush so I woke up, went to the bathroom, changed my pjs and went back to bed thinking the boy was just rocking out on my bladder but, I kept feeling those small gushes. My brain started working and I started wondering so I called the doctor. My doctor was still on vacation I spoke to his partner on call and explained everything to her. She said she couldn't tell me if my water had broke over the phone and that we'd have to come in to be checked. I started getting stuff together. I put on real clothes and started getting last minute things together and let Steve keep sleeping. Eventually having the light on and my activity woke Steve up and I told him what was going on we finished getting stuff together. It was about 1:20 Sunday morning I wasn't really feeling anything I thought maybe I might be having small little contractions but it certainly wasn't anywhere near horrible. We climbed in our van and headed for the hospital.
We got to the hospital and when I got out of the car I KNEW my water had broken. I walked into the ER said "I think I'm having a baby today" and was directed upstairs to the Labor and Delivery check in which was halfway thru the hospital and up the elevator to the 2nd floor. I made Steve walk behind me. (In retrospect I'm a little surprised they didn't offer me a wheelchair or any kind of assistance. I didn't NEED it but still) We got upstairs checked in and shown to a room a nurse came in we explained everything and donned the highly fashionable hospital gown, peed in a cup and all the other lovely trappings. Steve and I stopped to pray trusting that God would hold us thru the night and be with us come what may. I climbed into bed and they started checking me hooked me up to machines I was pretty sure at this point I was contracting but not badly just little twinges. Steve and I started debating when we should call everyone. It took the hospital 2 hours to confirm anything. It was confirmed my water had broken that I was fully effaced and only 1 cm dilated. I was hooked up to the fetal monitors etc but my contractions weren't really strong enough to register so they started me on pitocin to get my contractions going. I asked if this was necessary cuz I'd read horror stories about hard labor and nightmarish deliveries because the pitocin works too well. I was assured it was only to establish a contraction pattern and make them consistent.. I'm thankful they didn't try to rush it they kept it on low and didn't turn it up. After awhile I was having contractions every 4 min and that were a min long.
By 8am I was dilated to 4cm just trooping along I could breathe thru every contraction and was talking laughing smiling etc. The nurse and Dr. on call kept telling me they needed to make me more uncomfortable that I was still smiling. In the same breath they told me how well I was doing. I think this is probably when I start hearing another mommy on the floor screaming cursing crying etc... SCARY!!! That was intimidating to me. I felt so bad cuz all I could think was oh I hope I'm not like that! Then I felt bad knowing it very well could be me in a few hours and I wouldn't care who heard me! I prayed for her. I was probably almost as relieved as she was when I finally heard her baby cry. I did this for many other mommies struggling to bring babies into the world that morning. When I had to pause and get thru my own contractions. I was singing "Be Thou My Vision" and "Jesus I am Resting Resting" I know there were other songs on my heart that day I know God supplied the words and focus for me every minute but these 2 stick out. I also know my constant answer was drumming in my mind "This answers all questions the Lord will provide."
By about noon my family had arrived and they were keeping Steve sane We'd also been in touch with Steve's family in Michigan and I took great comfort knowing my church family had been told and were praying for us too . I got to talk to my Auntie and she prayed with me. I was 6-8cm dilated and I was starting to feel the need to push. They told me to fight it and that was the hardest thing at that point!!! I knew I was tired I hadn't slept all night and I knew the BIG SHOW was still ahead of me I asked for some IV drugs so I could relax a little and rest up. That took my mind off the need to push and let me half sleep between contractions which I was still managing pretty well just breathing and trusting the Lord. Each time I'd have a contraction I'd blow out a breath slowly and count each breath up to 10 I knew it would peak around 6 or 7 and then it would go away sometimes I had to puff out an 11 or 12 but it worked for me.
I don't remember feeling the drugs take effect or any effect they had. Finally I was fully dilated except for a little bit and the Dr. was across town but I needed to push badly. I was starting to lose my cool focus. We started pushing my nurse was just trying to bring him down and maybe get him crowning The Dr was on her way and would be there in 10-15 min. I vaguely remember thinking that this was really going to take long enough for the Dr to drive from the other hospital. I wasn't going anywhere though and really had no idea what to expect I just knew that BIG SHOW had begun. I had Steve and my Sissy. I made sure she had the camera ready to go.
My labor and delivery nurse was so wonderful and encouraging the whole time. She was sweet and fun and a blessing. I enjoyed her very much. We laughed and smiled together even fully dilated and ready to push I was smiling. There was another Dr. on standby but no one thought I was quite there yet. We did some controlled slow pushing or just like hoo hoo hoo breathing and then she let me really bear down and push once. We did a slow controlled push and at the very tail end of the contraction my nurse told me to stop but Jeriah wasn't stopping and I couldn't.
Suddenly I just felt a huge burst and gush and heard a tiny little cry and I realized it was over. In that minute I also remember thinking to myself "THATS IT I could totally do that again!" I also knew instinctively there was no way he was 9 or 10 lbs! My nurse said he shot out like a rocket. There was no delivery of head then shoulders one minute there was pushing and the next second there was my baby. Pushing was the hardest part by far only because I felt like I had no control I think at that point it was truly just my body doing what God had made it to do. Steve kept me focused when I couldn't think or control my breathing or actions he encouraged me. He brought my focus back to the work before me even when I didn't think I could do it anymore. The BIG SHOW only lasted maybe 15 min but when I needed him he was there! He was my husband and no one else but him could've kept me going. I was probably in active hard labor for 30 min tops to my recollection.
My mom and Steve ran into my nurse the next day I guess I was the talk of labor and delivery for 2 days because I had been so strong and so calm the entire time. When I finally did see my Dr. he told me I'd had such an easy time I could probably have 10 kids. I don't remember seeing Jeriah's face for the first time or it even really sinking in at that point it all kind of went fuzzy maybe I was finally feeling the drugs! I think I remember just saying "I'm your mommy" and struggling to introduce him to his first meal. (Thankfully he got the hang on that the next day) I remember my family swarming around taking pictures. I remember introducing Izaiah to Jeriah singing the little song I sang to Izaiah... "Hi Jeriah this is Izaiah" I remember Izaiah smiling and reaching out to touch his cousin. I remember the way my Dad took Jeriah in his arms and held him close to his face and quietly whispered to him! I remember my family's joy! I remember the Dr. fixing the tear Jeriah made in his rush to get out. I remember the taste of cold sweet REAL sugar Vanilla pudding! :)

Obviously in the 2 weeks since Jeriah's arrival we've learned much and we've fallen in love with our son. I don't think its possible to fully comprehend how much our parents love us until we get to experience that love ourselves. How much greater still is Our Father's love for us! Jeriah's arrival was perfectly overseen by my Father in Heaven! The timing the provision the strength! As Steve and I look back we see God's hand on everything. We continue to rest in Him and trust him. Our jobs may not be as secure as we'd like, We'd like it if I could quit my job and work from home to be with Jeriah. We're in a REAL place of submission and reliance on God's provision. We have no plans nothing set up and a date to return to work looming on the horizon and no idea what to do with our Bug. When I think about the weeks ahead my mind spins and I replay those words that have echoed in my head and in my heart for the last year... "Yet one thing secures us whatever betide, The promise assures us the Lord will provide" I have no idea what the Lord's provision will be it could be the opposite of what I want but I know as with all things it will be what is best and it will amaze us.

Nesting...

I was dearly hoping that my nesting instincts would kick in and I'd clean my house. I would deep clean my house from top to bottom. I had hoped to rearrange my linen closet, chase the dust bunnies out from under my bed, scrub the walls of my bathroom, and finish my in laws Christmas present. Yep I had plans. Sadly when the instinct came it was in a different direction. I realized upon packing my hospital bag I had nothing to put on my baby's head or hands or feet. Poor Jeriah couldn't be cold or naked Mommy had to fix it with a Ducky Hat and yellow booties, a Froggy hat and mittens with matching booties and sweet baby blue worms in his hat, hands and feet. When my mom saw the ducky hat she melted into a pool of grandma hormones and giggles. So Jeriah I'm sorry that I don't have your blankie made yet and I'm sorry that you're coming home to a house with dust bunnies under the bed. You'll have a warm head warm hands and warm feet and you'll be the cutest newborn baby in the nursery(you would be even without the hats by the way)You have everything else you need for now or you will. You'll be loved you are already but I've loved you since I first understood I could grow up and be your mommy! You'll be coming soon enough and I'm scared and I ask myself daily how this is gonna work. I pray and seek answers and have faith that God is in control of your arrival the same way he's controlled everything else in our life in fantastic unimaginable ways so we're just gonna see.... We'll let you crash into our life like a wave upon the sand and see what treasures you uncover! :)

Jeriah's Diet....

This looks like my lunch... :) Oh wait I got to eat much more that that! SO after a week or so of floundering and wondering what to eat what not to eat and pestering poor Tiffany with questions I took a class... a Gestational diabetes class where I was schooled in all things related to this "hopefully temporary" lifestyle change that will keep my baby from being a 10lb chunk o monkey! :) My biggest questions were what can I eat what should I eat? I was told and it hasn't been to hard its kind of plug and play. I get to choose what I eat within reason and I'm just limited to portion size and the amount of carbohydrates I can eat at any given meal, another shock... no sugar no dessert... BOO...

A few weeks in and I can pretty much wing it I no longer have to plan out every meal and every crumb I'm going to put in my mouth I've found some give and take and I've even managed to eat out a couple times. It breaks down into 3 meals and 3 snacks and at each meal/snack I'm given a formula of what I need to eat.
Breakfast: 1 carb 2 protein 1 fat which means I can eat 1 piece of toast with butter and 2 eggs.
Morning Snack: 1 carb 2 protein I usually eat about 5 triskets and 2 servings of cheese like string cheese and a babybel (Oh how I love babybels!!!)
Lunch: 3 carb 1 fruit 1 veg 4 protein 1 fat I'll have a sandwich 2 slices of bread with mayo and mustard 27 cheezits 3 1 oz slices of ham and a 1 oz slice of cheese, I'll have 12-15 grapes, 1 c raw veggies like carrots, cheery tomatoes and celery. (its a lot to eat in 30 min)
Afternoon Snack: 2 carb, fruit or milk and 2 protein for me this is usually 1 cup of yogurt, 4 oz sliced apples with 2 Tbsp of peanut butter.
Dinner: 3 carbs 1 fruit 1 veggie 4 protein 1 fat I live for dinner it feels like my first REAL meal all day sometimes The best dinner I've made on record so far was 2/3 c. cooked penne pasta 1/3 cup of tomato sauce a huge pile of sauteed peppers, mushrooms, yellow squash and zucchini tossed together with an ounce of mozzarella cheese and 3 oz of yummy Italian sausage. Add a banana and Wow that was a lot of really delicious food!
Bedtime Snack: 1 starch or fruit, 1 milk 1 protein is 3 squares of graham crackers spread with peanut butter and 8oz of 2% milk.

Other observations that have come with my new diet...

-How dumb is it that when you go to eat at a restaurant and ask for a nutrition guide they say "Its all available online" as if that helps me right now when I'm hungry and wondering what I can eat. Thankfully each time we've gone out to eat it was planned and I had the sense to look at the website before going but sometimes you wanna check your facts before you make that final selection ya know. I think this is a ploy by these restaurant companies to force us to just order something whether its good for us or not. Its sad really.

-The choices of sugar free beverages in most places is just pathetic you have 8 choices of sugar laden beverages and then Diet Coke the freckled faced red-headed step child. Now its all fine and well if you drink Coke or like coke but um yes I'm also pregnant therefore trying to avoid caffeine.. oh look they have iced tea well that's good! I'd rather drink tea than coke but its raspberry iced tea with REAL sugar! Thanks so much and wouldn't you know all those Crystal light packets I put in my purse are gone now... I have determined however that Diet Coke is more palatable when drowned with lots of lemon juice! LOTS of lemon juice. I'm also thankful I'm in the habit of carrying around a water bottle.

-If possible I feel like my life is even more food centric than ever. If I'm not hungry for my next meal, I'm planning my next meal or preparing my next meal. I'm kind of starting to think my life is already on a 3 hour cycle. Sometimes I get so frustrated that i have to eat again and If i skip a meal bad things happen to my blood sugar so that's not really an option.

-What does a Foodie Girl do when she can no longer eat whatever her heart desires??? Well I haven't cried yet and I haven't even cheated really and I'm not hungry overall. I've adapted I've eaten well and that's the most important thing I guess is that I'm still satisfied. I've also got a stack of recipes to try when i can eat normally once again.

- I would just like to say for the present time I'm very angry at Starbucks for coming out with a Dark Chocolate Cherry Mocha when I can't have sugar or caffeine! Its like sucking chocolate covered cherries thru a straw! (a sip isn't cheating is it?)

-I would love to write a scathing letter to the advertising company that came up with Baskin Robbins new commercial about Ice cream and Cake and Cake you know the one... I walk around all day singing "Ice cream and cake and cake" OH TORTURE OF TORTURES!!! CRUEL AND UNUSUAL PUNISHMENT!!!

- A recent past time Steve and I have adopted is day dreaming about what we'll eat after Jeriah comes... Sushi is at the top of my list and my husband has strict instructions that upon the successful birth of our son and reassurance that all is well he is to go downstairs at the hospital and procure one Quad Venti Iced Extra Caramel Machiato POST HASTE!! (Your husband may be the first person at church to know we've had a baby Jess )

-I miss drinking huge glasses of cold milk, I miss cheerios and all manner of cereal. I can't wait to taste maple syrup and honey again and banish the horrid splenda from my house! I can't wait til I no longer have to think about which protein I'm going to eat. I am thankful I haven't tired of eating peanut butter and cheese too!

-I am thankful EVERY single day that there is not a vegetable I won't eat! I've never eaten so many and its been kind of fun to just go to town. I can eat almost endless amounts of a lot of my favorite veggies! This makes for filling dinners, generous salads and emergency snacks! I hope I can somehow teach Jeriah to love his veggies the way his Mama does! I've even asked my parents how they managed to make me the least picky eater in the family. They just said they always enthusiastically encouraged us to try. I always knew if my Dad said try this it was GOOD STUFF! :)

-New Recipes I've created: BBQ Shrimp Skewers, Beefy Mushroom Sauce with noodles, Italian Sausage and Veggie Pasta Bake.

I haven't gained any weight I don't think I've even gained 10lbs in my whole pregnancy yet. I am hopeful Jeriah has slowed down and won't reach massive proportions. We're praying he can arrive safely, naturally and early! :)

To Wrap my Baby Bunting in...part 3

So I have the yarn and I'm so in love with the colors and just thinking about tucking it around my boy while he sleeps or watching him drag it around the house with his thumb in his mouth all doe eyed has me giddy and feeling all squishy! So many silly ideas that may never come to pass because there's no guarantees that mommy's blankie will be HIS favorite blankie (but I REALLY hope it is). I've picked 4 patterns I like them all not equally per se but I could envision his blanket in any of these configurations with the colors I bought. I have my favorites and I have my fears about each one. What do you think do you have a favorite which do you think would be the cutest?

1. I like this blanket because it's just random big blocks and chunks of color with no rhyme, reason or explanation. If I got bored with one color I could easily turn it around change color and make another randomly shaped block on any side of it. The downside to this would be it would pretty much have to be a blanket that was the same stitch over and over and over with no variation. That can get mighty monotonous my friends!
2. I like this one too I like the stripes and I like that they're different widths! The thinner stripes make kind of a TTTTT pattern around the solid thinnest stripe and the thickest stripes have what is called a spider in them. It creates some visual interest in the blanket and some variety for the person making it! The holes make it a little lighter and work up a little quicker too :)

3. How adorable are the little fishies! A little school of nestled fish swimming to and fro! I love and hate this blanket! I love the fish they're so sweet and I can imagine them in the colors I picked! This is my favorite and part of me really hopes it isn't yours! Why? What could possibly dissuade me from making this adorable school of fish? Well all those little fish are individually crocheted which is advantageous. I could make them very quickly on the fly and amass my little pond. I can also control the size by controlling the number of fish! The problem is the fish must be stitched together and for me that gets insanely boring. How boring you may ask? I started a blanket for my in-laws for Christmas last July its about 81 little squares that had to be stitched into one big square. I dutifully crocheted all 81 squares and stitched them up into 9 rows of 9 strips and then... Let's just say I still haven't sent my in-laws their Christmas present. (I do feel really bad about this by the way but in my defense life surrounding Christmas was a chaotic time I don't care to remember) So I'm fearful I'll have piles and stacks of cute little fish waiting to be a blanket never realizing their full cuddly potential. (*Mental note* When your nesting instinct kicks in finish Mom and Dad's Christmas present so you can give to Mom when she comes to visit)

4. This is kind of a neat like a little kaleidoscope and with the different colors I think it could look pretty cool with all the colors kind of swirled together. This would work up pretty quickly too most squares do and while I'm not entirely sure how to achieve the swirl look I think it'd just be a simple matter of moving the corner 1 stitch to the left while working in the round (sorry crochet speak) which could keep it somewhat entertaining along with changing colors.

I'm fairly certain I will not have this blanket finished before my boy is here I am hoping to finish someone else's blanket before her baby is here too. It's entirely possible at the rate I'm going that I won't have even started Jeriah's blankie before he's here. I'm pretty sure I won't have much time after he's here but I do hope that someday I can put it together so my visions of a sleepy doe eyed toddler with dark curled hair (I'm guessing on this he could have porcelain skin and brilliant red hair) will suck his thumb and drag it around the house. Then I will tuck that little boy in my lap and read him a storybook before tucking him into bed.

Pregnancy not so much fun but the idea of being a Mommy the "magic" of being a mommy is pretty romantical this side of labor...

Grandma's Girl

I have discovered I have a hobby in common with my Grandma. Grandma used to sit in her recliner all night watching TV with Grandpa thumbing through her magazines and copying any recipe that tickled her fancy one buy one into spiral bound notebooks. Being the food lover and cook that I am and also having so many memories of helping Grandma cook and just learning vicariously by watching my grandma cook I staked my claim on those notebooks long ago! No one else wanted them or had probably even thought of them. I have hardly looked through them and sadly I haven't made a single recipe from a single one. I have looked at them enough to know that Grandma LOVED Desserts almost every single one is a dessert recipe! From those magazines and spiral notebooks we have such family loved recipes as Harvey Wallbanger Cake, Piggy Cake, and Almond Pinwheels!
Now I don't spend my nights hand copying recipes from a magazine. I'd get writer's cramp before I finished the first one. (I'm a typer don't ya know) I do spend more time than I should perusing foodie blogs and websites and if a recipe tickles my fancy I just copy/paste it right into a word document and file it away under my own handy dandy recipe folder on my desktop. I'm a little more organized than Grandma was. Every recipe is organized in one big folder with little sub folders separating main dishes from soups from breads from appetizers. My desserts folder is even separated into category Cakes, Cookies, Pies, Candy... you get the idea! I have quite a few recipes but the sub folder that is without a doubt the largest and filled with so many "I should make that someday" recipes is my dessert folder. I got my Grandma's sweet tooth and her penchant for recipe collecting!
I have never ever questioned whether I was Grandma's Girl or not. She forever reminded me I was hers. She'd hug me close and lovingly reassure me I was Grandma's girl. I guess more than anything it just nice to draw the comparison and see that a part of her is a part of me. Maybe someday in the future I'll have a grand baby who wants my dusty old hard drives full of recipes and they will be a cherished collection of memories and reminders of their own Grandma.

Afraid...

So a week and a half ago I went in for the standard gestational diabetes test. I ate breakfast as instructed by my Dr grabbed my crocheting bag and prepared to drink of bottle of sugary sweet syrup and sit for an hour for my date with a needle. I felt fine and normal the whole time and wrote it off certain if there was a problem i would've felt funny. I had questioned a few months ago if I might have it but when I researched it all of the symptoms I had that I thought might be gestational diabetes also were normal pregnancy symptoms. I wrote the test off until this week when I got a letter from my Dr that my blood glucose levels were high and he'd like for me to take the 3 hour test. I'm gonna get a lot of crocheting done that's for sure! So tomorrow I start a 3 day "diet" and on Wednesday I have another 3 hour date at the lab with a bottle of sugary syrup and apparently several encounters with a needle. (pregnancy has a way of making you not fear needles so much between blood tests and rogham shots)

I'm afraid of what it could all mean. I'm beyond thankful for my friend Tiffany! (who's been a diabetic for longer than she can remember) She lets me ask her millions of questions about blood sugar and what this could mean and what that could mean. She's making a big scary world a little more clear an d clarifying some facts for me. She's explained what my symptoms could mean and while she hasn't alleviated a single one of my fears maybe she's (depending on the test results) confirmed them. She's tried to explain why if my blood sugar is high do I have an insatiable craving for brownies, soda and syrupy sweet things. That insatiable appetite I've mentioned its still here. I have no idea how or why i can eat so much or be constantly hungry minutes after eating so much. I've been so angry at myself for being so hungry. Is it normal because I'm pregnant or is it something else?

My fears are justifiable, I knew before i got pregnant it was a possibility perhaps even more likely a possibility for me than for other people. Riding on the coat tails of my fears has been this conviction that Steve and I in general need to re think the way we eat a little bit. We don't eat poorly and I'm not one to cook from a box or a can very often but being the foodie I am I read blogs and see recipes and if one tickles my fancy generally speaking I won't think twice about jumping on board to try it no matter how horrible the ingredients ( canned biscuit dough and Mt Dew anyone? ) Maybe this is the kind of motivation I need to really weed out some of the poor choices we make and take some more control and practice more moderation. I don't know why I'm so afraid of changing my diet anyways its not like I don't like or eat GOOD food. I had a veggie sandwich on whole wheat bread yesterday and it was the most delicious thing! We had fruit salad for dessert that was the stuff of dreams. I LOVE GOOD REAL FOOD!!! I think my fears are based in what it could mean for Jeriah immediately and me long term. Oh and that other thing (ugh) having to practice self-discipline. I have no qualms about eating good food so long as I can still have the bad ones if and when I want them. :)
So here we go... and we'll see whatever it means wherever it leads whatever it brings...