sometimes....

Sometimes I'll get in a mood and seek out and read everything I can about weddings... I'll look over couture wedding dresses even tho they wouldn't fit me in a millions lifetimes.. I could never afford one and I already have my perfect dress... I'll read message boards where women boast and giggle and share special details with each other... It always makes me day dreamy... I close my eyes and I try to imagine that wonderful day down the road. I look for the details like, how do I look in my dress? What about my hair have I imagined it just right... my beautiful flowers will they be as wonderful as I hope? Will everything look as dreamy and romantic as I hope? Will I smile perfectly for every picture... I hate myself in pictures wouldn't it be horrible to have an album full of pics of yourself on your wedding day you thought were ugly??? More than these vain questions I just want to see myself in that place I want to try and experience some of that joy right now... I wanna giggle and be excited when I imagine feeding Steve cake and getting frosting on his nose... purely on accident! 0:) I try to imagine how it will feel to pledge myself body, soul, love and devotion to Steve. Will I ball like a baby? I'm known to ball like a baby or will I be the picture of perfection so content and in love I can deliver every vow and statement with steadfast conviction... Will my eyes sparkle with joy?? I've dreamed of my wedding since I was 5. I've pictured every detail in my head... Why is it that now when I've found the only missing detail in my dreaming (Steve) my plans my dreams and my imaginings seem fuzzy and like I can't quite make them out... Could it be because this is a love beyond my imagination beyond my hopes and dreams more wonderful and brilliant than I ever could have imagined for myself... The details of the wedding itself are over shadowed, overpowered by the sheer love and joy I experience with this man day by day... I'm in shock haha I'm in shock to be blessed with such an amazing and perfect love... its the only logical explanation I can come up with... and its wonderful... still I wish I could envision the decorations and such a little more clearly down to the last leaf garland...haha...and I wish I could have a small taste of the joy and completeness I'll feel on that day but then again maybe if I could I wouldn't be as excited...

Wishing and Hoping and PRAYING!!!

So today I applied for a job! A job I am hoping is the job God wants for me to have cuz it is SOO the job I want to have! I heard about a new place in town that offers classes in cooking! How up my alley is that? I'm hoping and praying and asking everyone I know to pray about it too!! I don't care if I wash dishes all day or chop onions and prep food... ANYTHING to play with food all day to be in an enviroment centered on and focused on teaching people to love and appreciate food! WOW it would be a dream come true and answered prayers! I'm trying to be realistic and not get my hopes up too much but Wow it would just be like the ultimate! Haha I have other job applications out so I know God has a job somewhere I just hope it comes sooner than later the sooner we can start paying off this wedding stuff the better and all the money I make we can literally just ship off to our wedding vendors... First paycheck... Flowers... second paycheck photographer... and on and on... yes lots of prayer! We could also pay for the honeymoon we want... Say it with me..... Steve and Deaira Goble you just got married what are you gonna do next.... WE WANNA GO TO DISNEYLAND!!!

Mommy pangs...

Ms. Chloe Pettit my flower-girl

I went shopping today with my girlfriend Kim and we were at TJ MAX looking at baby stuff... the cutest most adorable baby stuff and i heard my bio clock going tick tick tock... i know i have pleanty of time... obviously before i can have a baby I need to get married haha and i would like to be married and enjoy being married for at least a year before we have a baby... but today surrounded by adorable summer dresses and cute frog prince bath robes... it was hard not to think about how fun it would be to have a baby sooner than later... I wouldn't care boy or girl frilly dresses and tights are just as cute as osh kosh overalls and baseball caps... I can't wait to see Steve teaching our little boy to play Super Mario and I can't wait to bake cookies with my darling girl... Steve and I have had babies on the brain lately we babysat for my friend Kelly mon and weds and her girls are just the sweetest smartest kids! So full of imagination and whimsy... It reminds me of when i was little dragging my doll around playing house. Steve had fun playing with them too... He's still a little nervous around little babies but thats normal... I know he's so excited at the thought of playing dinosaurs and superheros and teaching our boys all about star wars and comic books.. I can't wait to see him dance with our daughters and smile indulgantly when they go on about barbies...steve and I have had many conversations about parenting and family we agree on so much and he's soo wonderful to me... i always knew i wanted to be a mommy and a husband well i knew that was essential to being a mommy but haha until i met Steve a husband was kind of an after thought a means to being a mommy putting hair in pigtails and kissing scraped knees haha Steve knows this about me but Steve i love him so much even if we never had kids he'd be enough... but a dog would be nice too not necessary but nice... So these pangs... i think they're going to have to pang a little bit longer cuz as badly as i wanna smell baby powder and sour milk... poopy diapers and clean slippery baby... I wanna enjoy having a husband first before i enjoy being a mommy... I wanna spend some time learning to be steve's wife before i'm the mother of his children... but boy those baby clothes sure are tempting... and soft snuggly blankies and spiderman stuffed dolls that sing... I'd say i should baby sit more but... hm... hahaha

its hard to see...

Its hard to see at this point in our relationship how we could ever be at war how we could ever not be in love... Even how we could be in love but just be so angry or disenfranchised with eachother that we want a time out... I realize those times will come of course and look forward to the stretching and growing those times can have in our marriage but right now... this side of marriage even being fully aware eyes wide open wanting to please the Lord wanting to please eachother having hearts that yearn to serve and submit its sooo hard as we walk in these steps as we walk along this path towards marriage its hard to imagine WAR or conflict or Go sleep on the couch! haha Steve and I fight we disaree we argue we bicker all of those normal things that happen between 2 people who spend a large amount of time together... We both have a mindset of permanence and committment, a keep going... one more day... just a little more... We can work it out... keep talking even if its all day...So far being engaged has truly been some of the sweetest time we have ever ever spent together... i can look back over our relationship and see how our love has grown how far God has brought us... Since I moved home we have had the most wonderful times of just sweetness and lovey doveyness that would make the average person gag haha Its hard to experience these times when i just feel so blessed by his prescence in my life its insane and then realize there will be times when i'm potentially traumatized by this person being intimately and intricately wrapped up in everything that is my life. We've been talking about this at great length lately... We communicate really well better everyday we have been together for almost 2 years we spend every free minute together if we're not working or sleeping we're together... I know its completely off the wall to assume we have the building blocks set for a perfect conflict free marriage i know no such thing exists and i know its silly to think we have an advantage or anything we can't know til we're experiencing it... its hard tho having not experienced it to feel prepared or to know the best way to prepare in some way and its somewhat discouraging to feel like maybe we just can't be prepared... I just know and hope I can always hold onto the knowledge that he is my blessing, my most perfect gift from God. I can't wait til our wedding day but i wouldn't give up a minute of being engaged its been so valuable these lessons these experiences talking in the car for an hour at midnight... Its hard to imagine not being so wonderfully completely in love with him...and maybe someday when we've been married for 30 years i'll look over these posts and laugh at my naivete... at the silly love struck girl i was so full of hope and promise... I imagine hope and desire that the 30 years older version of me will still be wonderfully and completely in love with him though...

Wishing and hoping and planning and WAITING...

Myspace Countdown Clocks at WishAFriend.com

246 days 246 days... well its a lot better than the 365 days it was and far superior to the "I dunno if I'll ever meet the man of my dreams and get married" days... 246 days has purpose it has hope it has non refundable cake and flower deposits on it... but why is it so far away.... Why am I such a silly fanciful girl that I wanted to have an October wedding with fall leaves... I know its gorgeous I know its going to be sooo beautiful... I'm so excited to see everything decorated to hold my bouquet for the first time to look at myself in the mirror on the day I become Steve's wife. Only 246 long hard frustrating days to go... My anxious excitment is purely a desire to be his wife to live our own life to make our own life to have our own home with our own things to be answerable only to God and my husband... Sometimes and I could be jaded by ignorance I fully admit that but sometimes I feel like Steve and I are already married except for the fact we sleep in different places and have never had sex... We've been dating for almost 2 years now... I know we'll learn more about eachother than we ever dreamed possible when we're living under the same roof and sharing a bed every night. I know all of that but we have little patterns down we know how to communicate how to grocery shop. He knows without an electronic device i'm an unorganized mess. I know he will never do dishes... He knows if i'm eating some of whatever i'm eating is going to land on my shirt I know he would rather die than leave his dirty socks on the floor next to mine... I'm sure when our wedding is a week away and i'm wrapped up in 100 details with my phone ringing off the hook and family about to step off a plane i'm going to be pulling my hair out wishing for another week... but right now with 246 days... I wish it would come a little faster so I can cook him dinner... fold his socks... pack his lunch... and fall asleep in his arms watching television...

Let them eat Cake....

Another one bites the dust... another wedding chore that is... Steve and i have decided on our wedding cake and I'm thrilled with it... The woman who owns the company we're booking thru her name is Dee haha it was like a sign if i believed in signs... haha Anyways Monday Steve and I went and had an appointment with this woman and we got to taste delicious decadent yummy wonderful cake! It was love at first bite for both of us. My original plan as previously mentioned was to bake my own cake with Tiffany's ( my bestfriend) help. Steve and i started talking and thinking and looking at timing and we decided trying to squeak out a pretty professional wedding cake for ourselves was just too much last minute stress on me... ( isn't he wonderful man he's soooo good!) So we talked about it decided how much we were willing to spend on such a delicious delightful confection and we started researching... We went to an appointment or 2 before we found it. Our cake will be 3 tiers very similar looking to the one pictured above but i'm putting my own twist on the design and since our wedding is in the fall we've decided to go with fall flavors... They also happen to be the ones that were love at first bite! We'll be having Almond poppy seed cake with Almond buttercream filling and Pumpkin cake with vanilla custard... I can't even begin to describe how amazing these cakes tasted!!! We're also considering some simpler sheet cakes for our guests who have tastes more "vanilla" than ours. Regardless Steve now feels like i'm more excited for our wedding because of my flowers and cuz i get to eat that delicious cake again than I am becoming his wife.... PREPOSTEROUS!!! The most exciting thing is becoming his wife... cake, flowers and a beautiful dress... well they're tied for second...

Cute adorable couple seeks...

Steve and I have been talking lately thinking and maybe wishing for some couple friends we could hang out with and do stuff with. Go have dinner Go see a movie go do dorky things like play miniature golf or go bowling. I think we're gonna start praying about this.... It would be fun to enjoy the fellowship and fun and like support of another couple. We love spending time together and ocassionally its fun to bring my brother or sister along and we enjoy spending time with them but sometimes it'd be fun to hang out with another couple... Maybe we should pray my brother finds a "normal" girl to date... (poor Kyle) If anyone who may be reading this happens to know a sweet normal non-goth kind of girl who can share or humorously tolerate a star wars obsessed boy who is very sweet loving and affectionate let me know. I digress... Steve and I hope for some friends we're not picky we don't care if they're married engaged or have 10 kids. We're not even asking for serious committment haha we'd just like to throw some variety into our regular date-night. We could share our love of exotic food... Sushi, Vietnamese noodle soup, Thai, Indian... We're very adventurous when it comes to food as I've said. Even if we just got together and had a picnic at a park or played scrabble at Starbucks... Definitely something to add to our ever growing list of things to pray about...

p.s. We should talk about that double date sometime Danae if you're still game :)